Regrets

Sorry I'm a couple of days behind on blogging! Maegan came into town this weekend and I am so excited. I started a blog 2 days ago and never posted it, so here is the blog from Thursday with some new added thoughts:
It's funny to me that two days ago I wrote a blog with the lyrics "I don't have time to maintain these regrets" and yet today has seemed to be filled with thoughts of regret. I have just recently began rereading battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer. How fitting that two days after I began to reread this I am struggling with my thoughts. I struggle with thinking about things of my past the decisions I know were wrong and the ones that I can only wonder, those dreadful what if's. I hate what if's. Whether that comes down to relationships, ministry, work, there are so many things that we can have what if's about. For instance, maegan is now in town. I have been eating really healthy and training for a half marathon, but since maegan is in town I decided the afternoon she was coming in I'd go for a long run and not run for the weekend. Then last night we decided to go to Josie's at 1 in the morning and get breakfast burritos with all my friends. Since she's in town I decided i'd eat where she wanted to eat basically giving up my healthiness for a couple of days. So I ran a long run and ate a chorizo and egg breakfast burrito and one a.m. I woke up and there were a lot of what if's that came from the multiple pains coming from my body. Ab muscles sore from the run and stomach going insane because of the first hint of grease it's had in over a week. The thoughts such as what if I wouldn't have ran that long run my body wouldn't be screaming at me to get back in bed, and what if I wouldn't have eaten that breakfast burrito I wouldn't feel like someone took a knife to my insides. heh ok i'm being over dramatic, but you get the point. What if's can be BIG, or what if's can be small. My what if's have been big. I am not graduating in December, a semester early, going to SAGU for grad school, and basically starting life over in a new city and new school. Nothing of my plans oh 3 months ago. I have the what if's about certain relationships, the school i'm going to, graduating in december instead of august or may (both were options). There are so many things that go through my mind that strive to keep me in my past. I can't help but think about Philippians 3. Forgetting what is behind and pressing forward. How incredibly hard is that, when so much of our past impacts our future? The Holy Spirit knows what things need to be forgotten and left behind. And what if's are in those. What if's are essentially fear. Fear that "what if" i would have done this or that this or that way then maybe things would be better. And we know God is not a God of fear (1 Tim. 1:7).
At this point... I'm looking forward to a weekend hanging out w/ maegan. 3 days with my best friend, and my great friends from LBK. I can't wait.
There are many other things on my mind, but having your best friend here, just helps ya know?...

So there is some of the blog I wrote a couple of days ago mixed in w/ some updates. Maegan will be here to monday and we're having a blast, had the whole crew here til about 2 last night.. we stayed up went to josies then got up for breakfast w/ kayce and anna! It's been so great. I'm going to be sad to see her go. I'm in an interesting position right now. Trying to be gung ho about things in LBK, which i am, and trying to get things prepared for grad school. Not only are there physical things to prepare i.e taking GRE, where i'm going to live, etc. but also emotional things. Preparing for the move away from great friends, guys, being a grown up, etc.
well time to wrap this up and hopefully i'll have more time to really put the thoughts together soon.
j. tate