Hmm

Emotions.
This morning I went to staff meeting for EG and heard stories of the lives this church is already touching and we haven't even OPENED THE DOORS YET... I got goose bumps, excitement, and tears of joy.
I came home and begin to fill out a form for EG to have a booth at the Foundation Ministry fair and then began to type up my pamplet full of information about what EG Youth will be all about. I was then quite anxious.
I went to school and listened to a lecture on prevention of alcoholism and heard some things I thoroughly disagree with. I was annoyed.
My group asked me to speak for us in the group discussion time. I had strong opinions on today's question that was about teaching moderation in drinking to teenagers. I was passionate.
I left class to come home to two friends painting my room. One of them is moving into my room with me and will have the room when i move out in December, so i told her she could paint over my hot pink and lime green :) As I watched the pink go I was contemplative.
In my closet I found bags of notes from highschool and i sat down to begin to read them. At times I was happy, sad, encouraged, ashamed.
I called a friend to tell her about a lot of the things I'd read because i had become reflective.
I decided to go up to Lubbock International House of Prayer for a worship set. As I entered into God's presence I was at peace, I was thankful.

I'm sure this is not even all of the moods or emotions I had today. Emotions are a tricky time because we base so much off of them. If we're not feeling a certain way we think God's not listening to us or we're growing distance. If we don't feel a certain way we feel like prayer was ineffective. We allow our emotions to tell us the quality of prayer, bible reading, worship, relationship, message, etc.

It's not how I feel about something, it's facts from God's word. Pastor mike says all the time "if the Word says it, that settles it". I like that. The Word it more truthful than even my own feelings and emotions. I am who it says I am. Something i've learned is not to say that i know God is like this... He does this... because of experiences, but only by the Word of God. Because even experience can lie. My emotions or thoughts from a situation can dilute what really happened. We have to interpret experiences by the Word of God not the Word of God by experience.

I'm trying to go back to the basics right now. Reexamine life and especially my relationship with the Lord and others.

As always Be blessed,
J. Tate

bye bye pretty room!

Foot... gross!

Well here is one picture of my foot and i'll add another one at the bottom. The swelling is almost gone and now we're just bruises! I went in for an interview for a job i really wanted today and I got offered the position. Unfortunately now it looks like it's not going to work w/ my schedule, we're discussing ways we can work it out!
My friend Kayce came over last night and as usual she said some things that make me think. One of those was "your emotions tend to follow your decisions", she discussed this thought as she talked about forgiveness. I began to think about it in context with many other things. How often do we find that emotions won't change until we finally make a decision to change. I see this in my attitude in the last couple of weeks. I have chosen to not look at the positive, i've chosen to focus on the negative, i've chosen to only see where i've been attacked and now where i've been blessed, therefore my emotions have followed suit. I've been pretty bitter, angry, frustrated, etc...
I know that the Lord is good and I see His mercy being new everyday. I see His unconditional love, and I see His patience with me. I'm trying to not take that for granted in these moments.
I say all this but life is not bad right now. Things are good, there are just little things that are attacking my insecurities and making me worried rather than life just falling apart at the seams. I think to top it off is those around me are struggling also!!!
No matter what, God is good, and there's always better things ahead.
Be Blessed
J. Tate

Facebook, Patience,Forgiveness,Anger, etc.

Last night I regretfully/enthusiastically deactivated my facebook. I enjoy facebook heh.I like to keep updated on the lives of my friends that I hardly get to see. Without facebook I'd never be able to keep up with everyone. I think of facebook as putting all of those people who matter to me and throwing them into one place where I can message them, talk to them, chat w/ them, laugh with them, and share in experience as I never would be able to without it. The problem is I've gotten where I get on facebook quite often and rather than just spending 10-20 minutes @ a time I spend quite a lot of time or only spend 5 min. but check it like 2500 x a day. So after realizing how ridiculous this was, I promptly decided to just get rid of it. You know you have an addiction when you're having withdrawals, haha. On another note I have found myself farely well impatient lately. I decided I really needed to separate myself last night so I went to a prayer meeting at a church I don't attend and I sat with my head down and just sat for quite a long time. I began to speak to God and I realized how much anger and frustration i have going through me right now for various issues. Alot is going on but I am not doing a good job of going to God with these issues, instead i'm getting angry with Him. I've told people all the time if you're ever angry with God, it's not Him, it's you. I had to swallow this pill last night as I sat there realizing that.
I'm not normally an angry person. I would say i have developed into an emotional one. I cry, i feel, i hurt, i have compassion, and yes i have anger among other various emotions. Normally anger I can shake within a matter of minutes. But this anger was/is coming from deep within. Months of just not dealing with issue after issue that irked me. I'm going through the process now of removing some distractions, i'm in college this is still possible, and trying to get back to the basics. Waking up in the morning and thanking the Lord for life, giving Him praise for who He is and what He's done, and then simply talking to Him as I would a best friend. Divulging all of those hurts, angers, bitterness, etc. Maybe in the hustle and bustle I'd forgotten that He is my Best Friend. He's nto just this God ten million miles away that occasionally steps in and intervenes in my life. He is my God, My friend, My Beloved and I'm His. It's easy to be religious without relationship. To get up read my bible, pray the correct prayers, be an intercessor, do the ministry, and not really offer the part of you He wants most, your heart. Right now I feel like there's alot of things He's cutting through to get to my heart, but it's happening and it needs to.
As Always Be Blessed,
J. Tate

Vacation of insanity!

Well I was supposed to be going to san antonio w/ the girls this weekend to tube the river and instead i sprained my ankle. So i decided to go to dallas. Well when i could walk on it i decided i'd go at least to be w/ the girls and hang out. Then my roommate's van (that we were going to take to SA) died and we were unable to take the trip anyway. So then my other roommate and a friend decided they were going to go to ruston LA this weekend. I couldn't decide between ruston and dallas. I finally decided upon dallas so that I could see my grandma whom i love spending time with, go to waxahachie and look at apartments, and meet up w/ my mom and brother and get my dog! I took my family to go see Waxahachie and the SAGU campus. We looked at some apartments. I still haven't decided how I want to work that out. Either moving to Waxahachie in january living in an apartment or getting dad to get a house, moving to Euless and staying with grandma for a semester, or possibly living with some other friends in the metroplex. Anywho- I was going to leave monday mornign but changed my mind sunday afternoon because of a take home test i had due on monday and i went ahead and left. i had some friends that were driving back to lubbock and they were a couple of hours behind me. I got about 2 hours away from lubbock and i got pulled over by a cop. I had my cruise set to 4 over so i wasn't really sure what i was getting pulled over. Come to find out he pulled me over for driving in the left lane because the left lane was for passing only. I had to keep from laughing when he told me, but missy made that easy since she was in the back seat barking like crazy at this man that she would have ripped into shreds had i let her. Well, i'm also a girl so there's several things on my car i dont' really take care of. For instance, not only was i driving in the left lane, but i didn't have an up to date insurance card, and my car's inspection was out. But by playing the innocent girl he came back and he's like ok i'm giving you a warning... for driving in the left lane, speeding (74 in a 70), no proof of insurance, and out of date inspection. I was like, thank you so much. about 2 min. later my friends call and they had gotten in a wreck in weatherford, about 3 hours back towards dallas!! I turned back around to go get them. I literally drove friday from lbk to euless- sat. euless to waxahachie to dallas to euless- sunday euless to roscoe (past abilene) back to weatherford back to abilene- monday abilene to lbk..... Oh the joys of college. Luckily my professor is really chill and he told me to not even come to class and to come turn in my paper tomorrow. So the girls are having a veg out day.
I've really been frustrated the past few days and i'm trying to overcome that. I like order. Nothing has been in order and that causes some frustration for me. I have to admit my control issues, i like to control situations and not being able to control things is what has really driven me insane. I also like to know my next step and i feel at a stand still. I know that I am graduating in December. I know that i'm going to start Sagu in january. But i don't know if i want to do school full time or part time. work full time or part time. live in waxahachie, euless, or the metrolplex... for how long.. with who... etc. I realize i feel like i'm 17 again. I'm trying to decide where i want to go, what i want to do, who i want to be. . . etc. and once again i'm having to learn to humble myself, be patient, and let God be God. I should be lucky that i even have a clue as to what i'm doing in january. I don't know i'm struggling to be grateful and i'm settling more in the confused and frustrated, never a good sign. I do look forward to the things God is doing at Encounter here in LBK and I need to stay focused on what God has before me right now. Help me in praying for focus and wisdom. God's good and I know good things are coming.
J. Tate

Defines me

I am taking a leap today and I am going to school w/o crutches. I don't feel this is a stupid decision, since the swelling has dramatically decreased and i'm seeing great improvement in the realm of pain... yay! I was told it'd be at least 1-2wks on crutches and i'm getting off of them in 2 days!!! i'm excited.
I want to talk about what defines me. I woke up this morning thoroughly unexcited about this day. This was way different from yesterday, because yesterday I couldn't wait to get up and get moving and head to the EG staff meeting! But this morning as i arose i thought, eh i can just stay in bed, i dont have class until 12 and i have nothing i need to get done, i got all my errands done yesterday, there is no point in even getting out of bed. I arose an hour or so later, came and played around on facebook/twitter/skype/email etc. Then pulled out my bible read, went outside and prayed, came back in and sat down. it was only 1030 or so. I debated on what to do. I decided there is always more to pray about, so i went back outside. As I set down i just felt this great urge to talk to God about whatever this blah feeling was, this feeling of nothing, no excitement, no motivation, no purpose.
This is what i learned about myself in the next few moments of venting w/ the Lord. I am a highly motivated, energetic, passionate, person when given a specific task. I love tasks. I enjoy having a list of things to do and going one by one down the list. I enjoy being involved in ministry and knowing my responsibilities and accomplishing them. I have however yet to build the discipline of waking up and saying ok God, today is your day, all i have is class from 12-2 what do you want me to do for you today? Rather than that, i have the outlook of great this day stinks, i'm going to go to class, probably hang out w/ some friends some, come home do some homework, no actual plan, and that i hate!!!
I love organized ministry (haha). I have spend the last 3 years at Tech always involved in some sort of ministry. Whether it be a counselor, leadership, team leader, for foundation or leadership, small group leader, etc for wesley, or Lubbock IHOP, Encounter God, Young Life, etc. whatever it may be. I've always had that. I knew that I would wake up at this time, i'd do this, i'd go to class, then i'd go on to my responsibilities to the students, kids, youth, etc. whoever I was set up to minister to that day. I've never been in LBK over the summer. The last 3 summers i've been back home working at the church, the school, or BCAC. Still i knew everday i would have a chance to minister to the youth i'd planned lunch to, the kids i was teaching that day, the wounded families that came into BCAC. My life i must say has been for the most part for the last 3 years STRUCTURED. Now I find myself here. It's the summer, i have one class a day, no responsibilities to the Wesley, EG is just meeting once a week to start getting things together and i spend some personal time working on it but nothing with students, I don't have a job (mainly because i haven't found one yet), and I have to say this is Winter in my world of ministry. There is a few pastors and mentors that I really look up to, Upon returning from Rwanda I was really blessed to be "filled up" by them. To speak w/ them one on one to hear and learn it was so good. Roger Siratt spoke to a small group of us during camp. This man has seen things in his life that the Lord has done that I can only dream of seeing, he's been ALL over the world, he is an amazing man of God. He said just like there are 4 seasons for the weather, there are four seasons for ministry. Summer is when there is so much ministry the heat is on, you're toiling through each day working and working... now i could go through each season but for the purpose of not making you read a book i'll skip to winter. Winter is a time where it seems things have calmed down a bit, as someone in full time ministry it means you may not have as many speaking engagements, as a youth minister maybe the kids are doing well and consistent w/ little challenges, for me it means there's not a lot of speaking i'm having to do, actually i haven't had to prepare a single lesson since the week before youth camp, i've only met w/ two students since being in LBK and gone street evangelizing once, basically the point i'm getting at is as far as doing what we call "ministry" there hasn't been a lot of it. I think about what Roger said for during winter. He said work on preparation for the other seasons. Write some sermons, spend a lot of time doing in depth studies of the word, spend tons of time in prayer and just soaking in God's presence, so that when the season changes you've been built up, filled up, and you're ready to go. See now it's confession time. I struggle at this. I enjoy in depth studies of the Word, i enjoy praying and sitting before the Lord, but I like it so much more when I know i'm going to go out and share it, pour it out, etc.
I have gotten to where what i'm doing defines me in my eyes. If i'm not doing, then what am i? who am i? If i'm not teaching youth, mentoring kids, working a job, taking classes, meeting and pouring out w/ others, witnessing, then really what am i hear for? I've prayed psalms 27:4 for 2 years. Basically saying one thing i desire to sit and behold the beauty of the Lord. I've taught tons of lessons on intimacy and being intimate with the Lord. And now i'm seeing my own weakness in this. I'm seeing my lack of intimacy. My struggle to sit before Him and enjoy Him. I think i have the prideful mentality of thinkin somewhere that I don't need Him unless i'm doing "ministry". I put quotes around "" ministry because i'm meaning specific organized ministries, not living my life as a ministry, witnessing to those around us, etc. . . Maybe i've got it in my head that i spend time with the Lord so that I give the lesson He wants, I lay hands on the ones He wants, and if i dont spend time w/ Him maybe they won't get healed, maybe the lesson won't impact them, maybe in a lunch discussion i'll say the wrong thing, i'll forget a scripture etc.. . . somehow it's become a little bit too much about me and my ministry and not about HIM AND well, His relationship w/ me.
As I sat w/ Pastor Mike and talked this summer he said something i'd heard many times before but for the first time it clicked. He said Jessika I don't wear out, i dont fall, i don't lose passion, because i fill myself up first. I delight in the Lord, i stay in His presence, every day i spend time with Him because my relationship w/ Him comes first. I can't do my assignment or help anyone without a relationship with Him. We kept on talking discussing His relationship w/ the Lord, then His family's, then ministry. It impacted me because i realized that so many times, i live off of what is stored up inside of me, instead of everyday loving this relationship i have w/ the Lord, loving God, and putting Him and not ministry as a priority.
So here I am in this winter time, feeling useless, unproductive, because today i have no appointment to be @, i have no ministry meeting, it's just a typical day. If i define myself by ministry i will always be dissatisfied. I want to define myself with the Word. Who God says I am, I want to be... I want to delight myself in Him and find peace and contentment w/ just Him. I want to find a way to cry out Ps. 27:4 and it to be true.
Oh this sanctification walk... it never ends, but it's worth it :)
j. tate

blaghh

I'm not sure what the title means. Yesterday I was running w/ my roommates and managed to sprain my ankle. So now in the midst of training for the half marathon I'm walking around on crutches with a nice big swollen ankle! Boo. Instead of going to San Antonio to float the river with my friends I'm going to go meet my mom in Dallas. This will be good though because i'll get my dog missy back and we'll go visit SAGU, the grad school I'm planning on going to.
Tomorrow we have another staff meeting for EG we're really seeing things come together. In just a few weeks we'll be having church and have started the youth center program up and in full swing.
Right now I'm going through 1 Kings in the word. I just started it this morning and I was thinking about dear ole' solomon and all the wisdom he had. Do you know what Solomon proved to me this morning? It is one thing to have wisdom and it is another thing to use it. Solomon had more wisdom than any man and yet he still managed to mess things up.
I have more thoughts on this, but no time to type right now.
J. Tate

Regrets

Sorry I'm a couple of days behind on blogging! Maegan came into town this weekend and I am so excited. I started a blog 2 days ago and never posted it, so here is the blog from Thursday with some new added thoughts:
It's funny to me that two days ago I wrote a blog with the lyrics "I don't have time to maintain these regrets" and yet today has seemed to be filled with thoughts of regret. I have just recently began rereading battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer. How fitting that two days after I began to reread this I am struggling with my thoughts. I struggle with thinking about things of my past the decisions I know were wrong and the ones that I can only wonder, those dreadful what if's. I hate what if's. Whether that comes down to relationships, ministry, work, there are so many things that we can have what if's about. For instance, maegan is now in town. I have been eating really healthy and training for a half marathon, but since maegan is in town I decided the afternoon she was coming in I'd go for a long run and not run for the weekend. Then last night we decided to go to Josie's at 1 in the morning and get breakfast burritos with all my friends. Since she's in town I decided i'd eat where she wanted to eat basically giving up my healthiness for a couple of days. So I ran a long run and ate a chorizo and egg breakfast burrito and one a.m. I woke up and there were a lot of what if's that came from the multiple pains coming from my body. Ab muscles sore from the run and stomach going insane because of the first hint of grease it's had in over a week. The thoughts such as what if I wouldn't have ran that long run my body wouldn't be screaming at me to get back in bed, and what if I wouldn't have eaten that breakfast burrito I wouldn't feel like someone took a knife to my insides. heh ok i'm being over dramatic, but you get the point. What if's can be BIG, or what if's can be small. My what if's have been big. I am not graduating in December, a semester early, going to SAGU for grad school, and basically starting life over in a new city and new school. Nothing of my plans oh 3 months ago. I have the what if's about certain relationships, the school i'm going to, graduating in december instead of august or may (both were options). There are so many things that go through my mind that strive to keep me in my past. I can't help but think about Philippians 3. Forgetting what is behind and pressing forward. How incredibly hard is that, when so much of our past impacts our future? The Holy Spirit knows what things need to be forgotten and left behind. And what if's are in those. What if's are essentially fear. Fear that "what if" i would have done this or that this or that way then maybe things would be better. And we know God is not a God of fear (1 Tim. 1:7).
At this point... I'm looking forward to a weekend hanging out w/ maegan. 3 days with my best friend, and my great friends from LBK. I can't wait.
There are many other things on my mind, but having your best friend here, just helps ya know?...

So there is some of the blog I wrote a couple of days ago mixed in w/ some updates. Maegan will be here to monday and we're having a blast, had the whole crew here til about 2 last night.. we stayed up went to josies then got up for breakfast w/ kayce and anna! It's been so great. I'm going to be sad to see her go. I'm in an interesting position right now. Trying to be gung ho about things in LBK, which i am, and trying to get things prepared for grad school. Not only are there physical things to prepare i.e taking GRE, where i'm going to live, etc. but also emotional things. Preparing for the move away from great friends, guys, being a grown up, etc.
well time to wrap this up and hopefully i'll have more time to really put the thoughts together soon.
j. tate

A need for community

Today was a busy day for me. After class I went to a meeting for a friend and then after the meeting worked the foundation booth at red raider orientation. I'll stop here because that's what I wanted to talk about. As we met with students that came up to our booth interested in foundation I looked out and began thinking. See there are TONS of organizations on the Tech campus over 400 actually. There are religious, ethnic, political, etc. Next to us was the hispanic student organization, across from us was the black students organization, behind us the catholic student organization, and also several different greek organizations. I watched as Christians obviously came up to our booths, blacks to the black studnet organization, hispanics to the hispanic student organization, students interested in outdoor stuff to the outdoor pursuits booth etc. Each and every student looking for the place they would belong. The organization they could walk up to and know that they fit in. My sociological mindset was so intrigued. Each of us has a longing and a desire to be loved, to fit in, to belong. It reminds me of a book I read for my IHOP internship about a year ago, Passion for Jesus by Mike Bickle. Bickle discussed 12 desires that each human has that God placed inside of us to draw us back to Him. The book was amazing and I could talk for quite some time about all I learned from that book, but for the purpose of this blog I'll just stick to one point. The book said that one of those longings was the desire to belong, to be wanted, to be loved. See God put that desire in us because He wants us, He loves us, and with Him there is peace. The thing is probably 85% of the students I saw walking around to different booths today aren't getting that reassurance from the Lord and inside of them they're craving for more, it's highly likely that even the Christians are craving that, because we crave community as well.
On a personal note I in my great desire to throw cultural norms off had the greatest desire to walk up to an organization for another ethnicity and ask what it took to join or perhaps to a fraternity of some sort, anything to make someone uncomfortable. I find that sort of thing appealing, almost like standing backwards in an elevator or sitting in a chair next to someone rather than taking the open one across the room.
So what's so wrong, if anything, with this great need for belonging? I don't think there is, I think what we see is another classic case of the enemy taking something good and smacking it up with sin. Community is a great thing, it's biblical. Iron sharpens iron, a cord of three strands is not easily broken, two is better than one... and this isn't even mentioning all the times in the NT where it talks about coming together. Groups and organizations can accomplish great things. Just Foundation itself, it doesn't only change people for the 4 years they are @ Tech God uses it to change lives for eternity and a lot of it is done through the community that is found after camp.
Community is essential to the Christian and I think so many times we don't even realize it. Alone and left to ourselves many times the battle of our minds overcomes us. But when we apply the word of God that says confess your sins to one another, encourage one another, etc. so much power is found, so much encouragement to keep on keepin' on. There have been many times in my walk that I have grown weary in doing good even though I knew the scriptures and it was a friend who stepped up and encouraged me.
I wish we stressed more to our youth how important Christian community is. I wish we understood it more for ourselves.
J. Tate

The Rewrite

So I wrote a whole blog which i had titled the sociological thoughts and upon some more day occurring decided not to post it. It was full of some fun theological thoughts mixed with some sociological perspective. Instead I'm going to return to my sappy self and write about God's love.
"I don't have time to maintain these regrets when i think about the way, you love us."
How true a statement. At those moments that we are so wrapped up in God's love and a revelation of who He is and what He's done for us, I can't think about my regrets, I just think about Him.
Psalms 27:4 you see that same picture of David saying One thing I desire, to dwell in the courts of the Lord forever more and behold the beauty of the Lord.
To just lavish in His presence.
I remember a word from the Lord I got a few years ago. I was struggling with processing through a past that had plagued me. One of living for myself. I punished myself and struggled with seeing myself as forgiven. Beyond that those around me struggled to see me as the person I had become rather than who I was. The Lord spoke so clearly to me one morning "Daughter, it is you and those around you that don't see you as redeemed, in My eyes you have been made new"
Redemption. The greek word for redemption means to be released or liberated because of an effective payment.
Because of Christ's effective payment.
There's just this quality of God. This unconditional love and everlasting grace. The blog on sociological thought was a lot about sin, about our need to turn from sin, about what leads us to sin etc. It was a true message that is still much needed in our society, but on the same token this world needs to hear about love and about grace, about true redemption. Christ was 100% truth and 100% grace, never compromising truth for grace, but also never compromising grace for truth. The truth is that Christ died for our sins because of the Father's great love for us, the truth is we have to make a decision to commit our lives to Christ and that's not just a prayer, it is a complete lifestyle change, the truth is sanctification will occur in the life of a Christian, but the truth is also you will mess up and as my pastor always says when you mess up confess up that's when people will know there's something different about you.
In the presence of my God who I truly am is revealed. The good, the bad, the lovely, and the ugly. There with Him peace overwhelms me and the love of the Father gives me a desire to live for Him. The pieces of the puzzle fit together when I'm with Him. See here is the thing about God, we are redeemed and we are new, we are clean when washed in the blood of Christ, but His love for us causes the Holy Spirit to push us towards sanctification. Because at the end of the day the best thing for us is to not sin. It's not because He is a God of restriction, it's because He's a God of love.
I know i just jumped around a lot. But tonight for some reason I just feel loved. I don't have a desire to discuss some new theological revelation, not normal for me, I don't really want to bring out the Word and discuss how we should be living our lives, I don't want to try and encourage you to be passionate, or write something that will build you up and encourage you or challenge you, rather, tonight, i'm somber. I'm more silent. If anything I want to say, My God, My Daddy God, the One I run to, the One I have a secret place with, when my world is falling apart I can fall on my knees and cry out to the God of the universe, because as the Word says cast your cares on Him because He cares for you, this God, this Huge Big Miraculous Sovereign Creator God He loves me, He knows me, He cares about me, He forgives me, He's faithful even when I'm faithless, He walks with me, He talks with me, He challenges me, He tests me, He lives in me, He works through me, gosh the One True God, I have a personal relationship with Him. He meets with me. He delights in me. He died for me. There is nothing more humbling than a revelation of this concept.
I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
J. Tate

A Revelation

This morning we had our first Encountering God "staff" meeting. We met at sugar brown's (local coffee shop) to run through ideas for our church plant and the future of EG ministries. Kyle asked his wife, Keri, to share something the Lord had shown her in the word recently. I found it very interesting:
The passage she used was in Mark 4, I'm sure most of you know it, when Jesus calms the storm. It says that Jesus said let's go to the other side, then obviously went to go sleep. Then the winds began to push the boat, even getting water into the boat, and the disciples freaked. Obviously this is my paraphrase :0 The idea she presented was this: what if the wind was brought to push the boat to the other side? Jesus went to sleep knowing the purpose of the storm was to accomplish what He had sat out for them to do. i.e. get to the other side and minister. The next thought was, their fear caused them to awaken Jesus from His rest to calm the storm... So, how did they get to the other side? They most likely had to row.
Her thoughts: Sometimes there is a storm in our lives and we're not seeing resolve because God knows where He's trying to take us. Second many times we cop out of battle and short cut the storm and then we have to row.
I liked this analogy. I liked this revelation. It spoke to me.

Next was sociology class. I'm taking sociology of addiction for alcohol, drugs, and society. My professor today was throwing out some ideas on reference networks. He was saying our reference networks determine what expectations we'll live up to and whatever reference network is most important to us is what we'll follow. He said that he thinks we give too much credit to things like media for impacting the lives of adolescents. He discussed Columbine and some other things, but it was here that i kind of toned out and began thinking about what he'd been saying. This is what i thought of, I so many times tell the youth I teach whether in LBK or in Liberty live above reproach, don't watch the stupid immoral crud on tv you shouldn't be watching, don't listen to the crud you shouldn't be listening to etc. Which is obviously something our generation needs to hear, to be above reproach and not settle. But how i've had it in my head is this: if they won't watch that they won't want that, if they won't listen to that they won't feel that, and as i thought on his lesson today i considered a new aspect. I think it is often times true that we listen to things that support how we already feel, we watch the things we already want. For instance, if i'm in a fight w/ my boyfriend, on a break, or upset w/ some guy I often get in the mood for some Miranda Lambert, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, their mad chick songs. You know like gun powder and lead, picture to burn, before he cheats, music that is talking trash about men and i can at that moment identify with. If they're watching MTV real world chances are something inside of them wants that life.. what seems to be no restrictions and consequences.
I think we need to continue to teach our youth what is ok and what is not. Challenge them not to listen or watch the trash, but also be praying that the Holy Spirit would cause them to hate their sin, but that is going to be what keeps them from turning on MTV or the newest rap video. Second, is us living what we preach. Us setting the example of not living worldly, watching worldly things, listening to worldly things... how about raising our standards and encouraging them to raise theirs?

These were just some thoughts from the day from two things that had me thinking. With the new church plant coming soon I'm praying through and studying the first 4 chapters of Acts to really get down what the early church was about and i'm excited about where the Lord takes that. I'm preparing for schools start aug. 24th because that week will be the first meeting back to EG in the new building. Great things are here and right around the corner. I'm so excited.
J. Tate

worlds apart

"Worlds Apart"

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

Back in the LBK

I am here. Lubbock, Texas. My home for the past 3 years and place of tremendous spiritual growth and trials. Place of heart ache, happiness, frustration, triumph. This is my last six months in this town. I am relieved. I have loved Texas Tech and I have loved this place, but at the same time I have hated it. The most frustrating point of all of this is, the things I have prayed for, hoped for, longed for, they're happening now, right before I leave.
Encountering God was just given a miracle where we are now leasing a HUGE amazing building for the same price were paying for the trailer. We will have more utilities and ways to reach out to the people of west Lubbock. Beyond that through prayer there has been a decision made to not only have Encountering God as a youth outreach and ministry, but now as a church!!!
The idea of this church is to take it back old school, i'm not talking traditional robes and such, rather Acts 2! Church will be free of legalism, religiosity, and man's doctrine of how church should be. It is come as you are and let God radically change your life. We will challenge the members to accept Jesus Christ sacrifice, repent, and change. Teach the Word of God. Preaching will probably be done in jeans and a t-shirt. We want God to be the focus, not looking good, being fancy, or prideful. Humbled, loyal, devoted, followers of Christ, joining together to glorify God. The kind of church I have prayed to find since I was a freshman finally is coming into existence... 6 months before I leave. Oh well, praise God for Him bringing it into existence.
Also, I get to lead the middle school and high school ministry or "youth" for EG. I could not be more excited. I have been asking God for new opportunities to teach and to stretch me. Just being a leader at EG has stretched me, leading it, wow I can't even fathom. I am so excited to seek God's face for how He would have me minister to these youth, that well, are way different than the youth I am involved with in Liberty. It will be a stretch to reach out to youth that have lived lives way different than mine. I know that God is faithful and sovereign.
As soon as December comes I will be attending Southwestern Assembly of God University in Waxahachie Texas. I have not decided yet, if I will move there, or do my first year's course work online. Either way I am beyond excitement and sadness. This is new for me. For the past year I could not get out of LBK soon enough. The costs we're overcoming the rewards, the bad things were significantly outnumbering the good, but now as the things I have prayed for come together, it's disappointing to leave them behind. I have loved Texas Tech, but it is the LBK ministry that has my heart. EG and IHOPrayer have been strength and stability when I was weak and confused. The mentors, adults, basically people who know more than me in these ministries have comforted and carried me. IHOP is now open 6 days a week and EG well we've already discussed that. The Lord is moving in them and through them, blessing them, and letting them sore to knew heights. These 2 ministries will never leave my heart. I dare to say 20 years from now no matter where i am; texas, U.S, out of the country, married or not, kids or not, in ministry or not, I will remember the things I have learned from these years with them.
So, here it is back in the LBK. New emotions that come along with being able to see the end. One semester away. Graduation, 22 years old. I pray for this city, I pray for the various ministries and organizations I've been apart of, for my university from which my degree will always be from and my football loyalty will always lie. I'm excited that God is moving here and I can't wait to see what all He has planned for this city.