A Necessity

You all know my great passion for reading. My favorite is obviously those of a Christian nature or historical. I recently picked up a copy of the Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom when I saw a copy on sale at a book store. I had read the book years before and remembered liking it, so decided to re read it. As I've been re reading it I realize it takes my two favorite subjects to read about and throws them in one book. A book with encouragement for believers, strongly routed in faith in Jesus, while telling a story with historical significance.

If you have yet to read this book, pick it up. Let me give you a little background. Corrie and the rest of the Ten Boom family lived in Holland during the Holocaust. As the Jews began to be persecuted they sought out help from their peers. The Ten Boom family by helping Jews as they came seeking help one day woke up and realized their house was a base for the underground escape of the persecuted in Holland and Corrie, the leader. This book is written by Corrie telling the stories as the Holocaust begins, as she and her family end up in prison, and the goodness of God through it all.

The Ten Booms had incredible faith. I would compare it to the likes of the Patriarchs as you read the stories of their undying devotion to the Lord even through the worst persecution. For example, Mr. Ten Boom, Corrie's father, was old and unstable by the time he was taken into prison, the officer in charge of sending people to prison looked down at him and said, you are old, you don't want to die in prison, i'll send you back home to your own bed, if you just assure me you will not harbor any more fugitives or cause any problems. Mr. Ten boom replies "as long as anyone has a need comes and knocks on my door, I will help them." He was sent to prison and later died there. Mr. Ten Boom would not even tell a lie to save his life, yet we tell lies for sheer convenience.

I could tell hundreds of stories similar displaying the character of each member of the Ten Boom family and I have been greatly encouraged by them all, but the simple fact is I want you to see the faith, trust, and dependence that this family has on their God.

Now I will get to what I actually want to talk about. I was reading along in the book when one particular thing Corrie said, just hit me in the gut.
Corrie's sister in law had delivered her a package with several things in it and hidden inside were four individual little booklets of the gospels. Corrie split among her cell mates the different things her sister sent and then offered the gospels. None of the prisoners would take it. They told her anyone in the prison caught with Christian literature especially the Bible was given kalte kost! Kalte Kost was a punishment that consisted of eating nothing but a piece of bread while in prison. In response Corrie wrote this

"Even Kalte Kost would be a small price to pay, I thought, as I stretched out my aching body on the foul straw, for the precious books I held between my hands"

Corrie Ten Boom, yearned for the Word of God, she risked health and later life, to have the Word of God to read.

Corrie knew the necessity of the Word. She lived in a sort of hell on earth in a dark prison cell where she wasn't allowed to talk, move, eat, sleep, without consent of a guard. A place where there were no windows and she saw no sky, everything around her did not seem to be formed by an imaginative beautiful Creator, but rather a dark evil.

I live everyday enjoying the blessings of a good God and yet do I prize His words so highly? Did I give a value that is worth life on the book that God has written for me? How much is it worth to me? I just paid $80 for a bible and I'm not going to lie I sort of cringed at the thought of spending $80 on a Bible. Is the Word of God not worth more than money?

How much worth do I put on the book that God gave to me as assistance, truth, help, encouragement, conviction, He gave it to me so that I can have His life on this earth. What is it worth?

A few chapters later as the war is getting worse and worse, as the Holocaust is becoming more brutal and spreading not just to Jews, but to other ethnicity alike. Corrie and her sister are moved to another prison. They have to strip naked and walk in front of Nazi guards showing that they have no possessions and then they are to slide into a prison gown at the end. Corrie and her sister Betsie see no possible way to take the now small little Bible they had acquired after giving away the gospels with those that had found the Love of Jesus in prison with them. They were in a horrible situation again. Give up the Word or keep it and risk their lives. As they found out they had to give up their clothes and their Word Corrie says this

"Betsie needed her sweater! But most of all, we needed our Bible! How could we survive without it? But how can we get it past so many watchful eyes... Dear God, I prayed, You have given us this precious book, You have kept it hidden through checkpoints and inspections, You have used it in so many lives..."

Corrie was cut off by the thrusting of guards. I'll shorten the story and tell you that God provided a miracle. They found a way to get the Bible on the other side of the naked checkpoint and then shove it inside her thin prison gown before being caught. The Bible bulged out of her prison gown and there was still great risk that any officer could tell that was not her body form and corrie says

"And all the while I had this incredible feeling, the feeling that this was not my business, but God's, and all I had to do was walk straight ahead"

Later on many became converted because of the reading of the Word that Corrie and Betsie did every night in prison. Corrie risked her life to have what was a necessity in her life. The Word of God.

I can't put into words the value of the Word. The Word has promises for us, it has truth, it gives you the facts of the gospel, why you and I have the chance to go to heaven. It tells of Jesus, the way the truth and life, the only way to heaven. The Word will boost your faith and carry you on when the world is crashing down.
As Corrie read the word to those around her in the prison they grew a faith that knew whatever the Word said was truth. They found peace and hope.

"The blacker the night around us grew, the brighter and truer and more beautiful burned the Word of God. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?... Nay in all these things we were more than conquerors through Him that loved us. I would look about us as Betsie read watching the light leap from face to face. More than conquerors, it was not a wish. It was a fact. We knew it, we experienced it minute by minute- poor, hated, hungry. We were more than conquerors. Not we shall be, we are"

The Word of God is truth. It's the guidebook, it's faith, it's hope, it's love, it's the gospel, it's God, it's encouragement. The Word of God was invaluable to Corrie. It was either death by it or death without it.

How much worth do you put in the word? It is a monetary figure, is it convenience, it is life or death?
I'll say one thing I know, it'll be evident by the amount of time you spend in it. I doubt many would die for a book they pick up once a week. But for a book that gives you hope, for a book that encourages you on, a book that helps to change you into the image of Christ, a book that connects you with the beautiful creator, for that, well i'd bet most would be willing to give up almost anything for that, wouldn't they?

Some thoughts today,
As always be blessed,
J. Tate

I'm not a beggar, I'm a Daughter

Isn't it exciting when God begins to teach you things and an hour, one day, or some relatively quick amount of time later you get this great opportunity to practice what you've learned. God uses life to teach us, to test our faith, to prevent greater disaster later in life, to make us more like Jesus, etc.
I learn so much from my friends as we experience life together and share in the journey of following Christ.

I was talking to my best friend that lives over in the Dallas area over a week ago now. She is attending grad school at UNT and was looking for a place to live in Denton. Most of you know Kayce and if you read my blog at all you've found out God uses her a lot in my life. She'll say one line in a story that will stick out to me, i'll write it down in my journal, and somehow I will need just that specific phrase in my journey. This happened sometime this past week.

Kayce was looking for a place to live in Denton as she prepares to move closer to her school. The whole story is a really awesome story of God's love and favor for His daughter, but I'm going to stick to the details that display what I want to talk about. As Kayce goes in to a garage apartment her realtor was sure she would love, she was, to say the least a little disappointed. It was nothing like what she wanted and didn't really fit kayce's adorable old fashioned little style. :) When she left she begin to talk to the Lord about it. She remembered something the Lord had been teaching her. I'm not a beggar. I'm a Daughter. She told God that she knew God's infinite resources and that she knew that He could give her something better. I LOVE WHAT SHE TOLD HIM! (her words summed up) "God it's not my favorite, I know that you have the ability to do better, I dont have to beg of You for more, but no matter what Your will, not mine, and if this is what you want for me, ok."

In most cases I'm not too much of a talker and I'm more of a listener, so as Kayce is telling me the story and I hear the words "i'm not a beggar I'm a daughter" I let her continue on with the story as I just wrote the words down, and made a mental note to pray through that a little later.

As I thought and prayed about it later, I realized how little I live into this concept. I "know" it. I've heard it similarly put 100 million times in church, but this is how we know there is a complete difference in head knowledge and heart wisdom. I'll simply throw a request up at the Lord and then continue to try and find my own way to meet my need, if I take the time to ask of the Father at all.

James 4:2 "You have not because you ask not"

I think about my own natural father. Though we've been through many rough things when I need something of him I simply go to him in confidence and ask. Many times when asking for money, I'll go up to him with my hand already out, laughing, as I say "daddy, money?" I know my dad. I know that my dad has money and I know that what he has, is also mine. I'm his daughter. Any need that my dad can meet for me, he will do. He'll never leave me stranded, he'd never say psshhh you've never helped me, he won't turn his back on me. My Daddy loves me. I'm his daughter.

Imagine as we take this to the scale of me and my Daddy, my Heavenly Father. Anything I could have need of my Daddy God can meet that need. His resources are limitless, His mercy never ending, His grace unfailing, His willingness and desire to show His love through me is in His innate character.
(I hope those of you that know me, know me well enough to know, that I am not talking about God giving you everything you "want". I'm not talking about this in areas of lust and greed or pride. I'm simply talking about the heart of our Father to fulfill all your needs)

Matthew 7:11 So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who keep on asking him!

Here we see this again. The first thing we must note is He wants us to ask. It's all throughout matthew 7. I could quote the entire chapter here, if you don't know it, go read it. Ask and you shall receive... over and over again. God wants us to inquire of Him and Him alone. This is where I pinpointed my lack of faith.

I'm not a beggar, I'm a daughter. As I walk up to my earthly Father I don't say Dad I need $30 to get my oil changed, ok now I'm going to go scrounge around the house to see if I can find $30 or where is my debit card, so that I can go pay for it myself. I go to my Dad, I ask him, and I wait. I wait until Dad pulls his wallet out. As I ask of my Heavenly Father I do not wait upon Him with the same faith, the same confidence, the same trust. Ok God here is my prayer request, well you may or may not help me out so i better go see what I can do just in case You don't come through. It sounds laughable doesn't it? That I trust Randy Tate to provide for me more than I trust God? Perhaps, but I have to confess, that many times, it's true.

Soon after I was convicted and learned this lesson. I simply began to make more conscious decisions to pray specifically for my needs. I was already reading a book by Andrew Murray titled "Waiting on God", so I incorporated that in and began to wait to hear the voice of my Father before taking actions. Then the test came.

I had a situation come up that really challenged me. It confused me. It messed with the plans I thought the Lord had given me and there seemed to be no natural way of resolving the situation. After one round of tears, i sat up, and remembered. I'm not a beggar, I'm a daughter.

I don't come to the table crawling not making eye contact whispering self consciously my requests of my Father. I come BOLDLY to the throne room of GRACE, stating my needs, and asking of my DADDY GOD, who DESIRES to meet my needs. I got in my car went for a little drive and said Lord, here it is, this is what I'm feeling, this is what I need, I'm not going to panic, I'm not going to have a break down, I'm going to wait here until you fix this situation or You give me confirmation that this is your will. Not my will but Yours. I called a few close friends let them in on the situation to have them praying with me and within 3 hours half of the matter was resolved and by the end of the weekend all of it was.

My God knows my needs and He desires to meet them. He can and He will. If we ask, if we have faith, and if sometimes we'll take our hands off. I like this line from the Jason Upton song Teach me How to Pray:


Not my will or my plans or the way I want it I’m so tired of my hands in the way So reveal to these eyes the true heart of my Father, today
Lord teach me how to pray

Kayce and I talked again and she told me some things the Lord was teaching her about not being a beggar. After the garage apartment she didn't like (amazing story details not mentioned) she got a little cottage that she LOVED. She told me how the enemy tried to attack her throughout the process. Different thoughts of you're never going to get any better than this so just settle for it, or you don't deserve this, but she said something very wise at the end
"I realized the enemy didn't care what I believed, as long as I never realized that I'm a daughter"

How true that statement is. We bounce from one side to the other, I don't deserve this, I guess I should settle for this, God won't help me with this because i've done this and this, ... We could wall paper the walls of the white house in 8pt font with the lies the enemy tries to sell us. The one thing he wants to make sure you don't realize is YOU ARE A DAUGHTER. or for you men it applies as well, YOU ARE A SON! Jesus Christ tempted and tried, spotless, blameless, sinless, died a horrific death, displayed on a cross for all to shame and humiliate him, with pain beyond my imagination, blood poured out, so that WE, could be fellow heirs. Sons and Daughters of the most High. The true Son, crucified, for YOU, so that you can be called daughter or son. Live into what Jesus paid for. He paid for your ability to pray, to go to heaven, to live as a child of the Most High.

I'm not a Beggar, I'm a Daughter.
Be Blessed,
J. Tate

The POWER in YOU!

I've been in a reading mode lately. On top of my Bible reading I've read 1-2 books a week over the past couple of months. I've read many classics, some novels, and from authors of many different views of theology. I've read 2 Andrew Murray, 2 Smith Wigglesworth, Maria W. Etter, Charles Spurgeon, A.W. Tozer, Brother Lawerence, Joyce Meyer, and of course my novels. For each book I've read, i've learned more and more about who I am in Christ. Who God says I can be, and what I can do with Him.

I wrote my last blog titled "Are you possessing" about the Lord giving me some revelation on Christians going in and POSSESSING the land. Conquering! These last few months have been an interesting new territory for me with my walk with the Lord.
Today the Lord asked me to call someone and repent for a mistake i made four years ago!!! Talk about an humbling experience, but as I spent time in my prayer closet the Lord spoke to me something that I just HAVE TO SHARE! The Lord said You have to repent, because i'm trying to make you like my Son, I'm trying to teach you. I have spent these last few months teaching YOU how to have POWER on this earth.

I have no problem admitting that this is where a little pride came in. God are you kidding me? I know how to have POWER in the kingdom of God. Just in the last year I've seen people healed, saved, miracles happen, i've had them happen to me, You've used me to do them, I went to another country to share the gospel. I've seen prayers immediately answered and prayers answered in Your perfect timing. God, I have no doubt that I have power!!!

The Lord spoke in His gentle, firm, way, "You have only seen the tip of my power, a tip of the power that I am willing to use through YOU!". The reason I'm writing this blog is because i'm a firm believer in, if He'll do it in me, He'll do it in you, If He'll do it through me, He'll do it THROUGH YOU!

Smith Wigglesworth said in one of his books (my paraphrase) "I believe we'll all be surprised one day when we get to heaven and realize that the Paul, Peter, David, they were all just people, like you and me". I was greatly encouraged and inspired when i read this. I was humbled. You mean the same Peter that people tried to get his shadow to touch them so they could be healed? The same Paul that it says in Acts 19 that when his handkerchiefs and apron touched the sick they were healed? The same David that cried out in psalms 27:4 One thing I desire to dwell in the courts of the Lord and behold His beauty ever more. The same David that Acts says is a man after God's own heart. You're saying they were just people!!?! Well, they were.

Today at work a man came up to me to ask a question, around his neck he wore a crucifix and I felt the spirit speak to me, do you know how much power you have because Jesus isn't on that cross anymore? wheww.. i wanted to leave work and go get on my knees!!

I've looked back over these past 4 years of college and I think I along with my friends in Lubbock, friends in Liberty, Youth at cstone, EG church, would say we have seen God's power. Salvations, healings, repentance, confession,demons casted out, realness. As I'm sure anyone reading this could say. They have seen God's power. And I thought to what the Lord said to me. I over these last few months have been teaching YOU how to have power. So what are a couple of the things I have learned. There is no way I could go through all the lessons i've been taught, miracles I've seen, or revelations I've been given this semester, so i'm going to sum it up.

First I've learned: It's not about me. It's all about Him. He chooses ME! He chooses to use me, to display His power in me, for HIS GLORY!

Next: If I see that it's not about me, I've seen God use me, then I have to know that God can and wants to give ME, POWER, for His glory and His use.

Then: I need to be real. If i mess up, fess up to God and to others. Pray and be honest with God. Ask for things you need, ask to be used. Don't hesitate to be real, vulnerable, humble, REAL.
I need to be available. Listen to the Spirit. He's speaking. He wants to use you, are you listening? Don't think of God's work as an inconvenience, no matter how small.
I need to do battle. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants to destroy what God is doing in you, what God wants to do through you, and YOU in general. Pray, rebuke, intercede, read your word, IT'S YOUR SWORD!! For every great breakthrough and seed from the Lord, comes a desperate attempt of the enemy to steal it (yes yes i know i say this all the time, it's not a new one)!
I need to not believe the lies. This is part of doing battle. Guard your mind (Romans 12:2) The enemy will try to feed you lies, but God speaks truth. He says who you are in Him, what you can do with Him, He's not condemning. God will discipline His children, not condemn them.

There are many more obviously, but the greatest is that. I can be who God says I can be, I can do what He says I can do. If He says I'm a conqueror, I believe Him. If He says I can do all things through Christ, I believe Him. I see all through the Bible God using ordinary people like you and me to advance His kingdom.

It's time for us to step up and realize that God's power is in us, to advance His Kingdom. He wants to use us!! All it takes is loving God and loving others. Recognizing who you are in Christ! I have so much more I wanted to write, but sadly no more time to write it!!!

Be Blessed,
J. Tate

We need to realize that the promises that overflow our Bibles will overflow into our own lives only as we appropriate them through prayer. ~Jim Cymbala

Are you possessing?

I was at work the other day reading in Genesis. I read Genesis 15:7 as the Spirit quickened in me to stop and meditate on this scripture.

v7 And He said to him, "I am the LORD who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this land to possess it.

With my new handy Bible I looked up the Hebrew which in the context of this verse the word possess means to consume and conquer!
I sort of dropped it there until it came back up in my prayer time today. I began to look up more scriptures that dealt with possessing. Not surprising there were tons in Deuteronomy as the Lord instructs the Israelite people to possess the land promised them.

Deuteronomy 1:8 See I have placed the land before you; go in and POSSESS the land which the Lord swore to give to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to them and their descendants after them.

This is when the Spirit really began to speak to me about possessing. Notice this part: "go in and possess". See going in to the land wasn't fulfilling the instructions. They were to go in AND possess. We have gotten into a tendency as the Israelites did of thinking that going in IS possessing!!

How many times did God show the Isralites that He prepared a way for them, yet in their stubbornness they questioned God and in fear never took the land that He had for them.

I got interested and began reading over and over the exodus story and also Deuteronomy, where we see the same plot. God has this great land for them to not only live in, but to POSSESS. To rule to reign, without fear, without lack, having every need met by Father God, but they were scared, rebellious, a fearful people lacking trust and faith in the God who had already brought them out of slavery and prepared for them freedom.

The more I read the more frustrated I became. Stupid people, how many times does He have to lay it out for you! He wants you to live in this Promised Land. Stop wandering around slandering, rebelling, living in fear and doubt, and GO POSSESS THE LAND!! In Deuteronomy just the subtitles in my Bible are frustrating: Conquests recounted (God slaughters for them) Israelites urged to obey God (WHAT?) Promises of God, God's gracious dealings, Israel provokes God, Rewards of Obedience!! Yeesh. You don't even have to read the verses to get that God did work on their behalf, they mess up, He shows them grace, They mess up, He urges them to obey, They mess up, He forgives them then rewards them, etc. etc. etc. Then...

I was reminded. This is my story too. I believe in the promises of God given to each and every believer and I believe in the individual promises for each believer's purpose.

I have a calling and a purpose. That purpose is my land that i'm not just supposed to dabble in or live in, but supposed to possess! To conquer! I find in myself the very same "settle" stubborn mentality that brain washed the Israelite people. And what I see rapid in the body of Christ today is the enemy's deceptive tactics trying to convince us that we aren't meant to possess we should just be happy with dwelling in the land.

I have a friend here at Tech that everytime you say something she doesn't want to do or disagree with she just replies with "bump that". It always makes me laugh as we say something like "let's go work out" and the simple reply we all know is coming "bump that". I know you're wondering what this has to do w/ anything i've been talking about, but as I really begin to think upon this deception and lie from the enemy, the words that rise in my heart are "BUMP THAT!". We don't need to listen to no stinking liar telling us what is complete opposite of scripture.

God said go IN the land and POSSESS it. Stop settling with making it to the door of your dreams, to the door of victory, i'm not going to stand at the door. I'm going to go in and when i get there, I'm going to possess. The Word says we're more than conquerors through Jesus! So why aren't we conquering?

Begin to inquire of the Lord, WHERE IS MY LAND? HELP ME POSSESS IT!
Abraham had no problem being frank with the Lord.

v8 And he said, "O Lord God, how may I know that I shall possess it?"

We each have areas of our lives, visions, purpose, that we should be POSSESSING, CONQUERING, but for too long have believed the lies that we should just be glad we've made it this far, i should just sit here because obviously this is as far as God wants me to go. I don't know about you, but to me it just doesn't sound like victory, possession, and conquering.

You all know how much I like examples. The place I need to most apply this to is our youth group (Encounter God). We were called to go into a land of West Lubbock and I believe God handed that over to my pastors, the leaders of EG ministries, He's handing that over to me as a youth minister and to our youth workers. A land that we're not just given to go sit and dwell, with the awesome new building He provided, the Bibles, the new sound system, etc. We're to go in AND POSSESS it. To claim that ground to no longer be the rejected, hard knocks, area anymore, but the area on fire for Jesus, where revival begins and spreads to the city. As the drug dealers, prostitutes, etc. that reign over there where come to their knees in repentance. I don't want to settle with being happy that our students aren't getting shot. If possession is what is open to us, we're going to possess. And as the word says, not because of our righteousness, not because of our doings, not because we can do it, but because of God's mercy, because of His grace, and because He's already prepared the way, we just have to follow.

Find what needs possessing in your life.
Be blessed,
J. Tate

Oh so Blessed!

Lately I have been learning about gratefulness. So many people my age (I don't exclude myself) struggle with being appreciative. We have selfish attitudes that somehow convince us that we are owed what is given to us. This is a tactic from the enemy to rob God's children of many breakthroughs and blessings. There is so much power in praise, appreciation, and open gratitude towards God.

Over the past few weeks I've been in constant state of gratefulness as the Lord is teaching me more and more about appreciation. I'll be driving down the road and burst into tears as a realization of another area in which God has protected me, blessed me, saved me, changed me, freed me, etc. I'm not sure where along the road, but at some point we can become used to the Lord's blessings, favor, and grace and mercy He has shown, will show, and does show day to day.

Yesterday as most of you know was my birthday. Take this next paragraph, as I discuss what I think, however you would like, but I believe that God was giving me birthday presents over the last couple of days. First off, I don't think it's coincidence that 24/7 prayer began in October, my birthday month, and something that I have passionately prayed for and desired for this campus. Then on Wednesday night my youth discussed and asked questions for over 45 minutes about Jesus, salvation, the cross, etc. This was possibly the best birthday present ever that only God could give. When you put so much time and work and love into a group of kids that need to know the love of Jesus so desperately nothing compares to listening to them earnestly desire to know more about Him. Afterwards my friends threw me another surprise part, FOUR YEARS of college and FOUR SURPRISE PARTIES, i am so blessed with Godly friends who care for me and show me love on a daily basis!! I had gotten off all of my shifts at work except for my 6 a.m. shift on thursday. As I arrived at work promptly at 540 a.m. i was told that work double booked the shift and I COULD GO HOME!!! I woke up around 9a.m. with some doughnuts and a kolache awaiting me on the table beside me that my roommate had bought for me. Then on top of that my professor called a little later saying happy birthday have a good fall break, dont' come to class!!! I was able to schedule an earlier flight AT NO EXTRA CHARGE and arrived in houston last night, which means i get a full day w/ my mom today instead of half a day. These are just a few of the many ways I felt blessed over the last few days, but I saw God move on my behalf and make my birthday everything i could have wanted.

I'm home until tuesday and have a splendid weekend planned and I am so so so excited. I haven't been home in two months and it feels so great to drive down the road of little ole' liberty texas. I get to play in an exes game today, probably get a liberty sno-cone, my dad is taking off work and coming to see me, i'll get to spend time w/ my family and the rossow family, see my church family and friends. Such a great relaxing vacation for me.

Beyond just these topical daily things where I see the Lord just loving on me, there is so much around us to be grateful for EVERYDAY. Salvation, freedom, the cross, resurrection, prayer, intimacy with the Lord, protection, mercy, grace, life, breath, health, wealth, etc. the list could go on and on and on. Be thankful, never stop being vocally thankful.

Be blessed,
J. Tate

the future... sagu

Today is one of the busiest days I've had in a LONG TIME! but I got out of my ten o' clock class rather early and have a few minutes to spare, so I'm sitting in the computer lab of human sciences waiting until I have to go proctor an exam for professor and began reflecting on the weekend. For those who dont know I took the weekend off of work and went to the dallas area. Taylor and macy came along and while there we met up with kayce, maegan, and randi. I had a blast and I had a lot of chance to really think about things. I walked on the SAGU campus with macy, taylor, and maegan and so much reality hit me. We were walking through the school because macy is also considering going there! As I walked down the hallway for harrison graduate studies towards the door of the head of the dept. of counseling psychology i passed the door for the southwestern mission association. As I passed that door, the peace of God filled me. It was a similar scene to four years ago as I took a step onto the campus of Texas tech. There was no longer any doubt of where I would be, not UT or baylor as i had thought, but on to Texas Tech where I have spent the last 3 1/2 years. To be honest I have struggled in the last month with this. I turn 22 years old in a week and a half. I'm graduating college with a bachelors in three months. Over the past year or so if you were to talk to me I would tell you i couldn't wait to graduate and move on, but in this last semester so much has come together. Becoming involved leading the youth for Encounter God ministries. Finally feeling at home in a church in lubbock with the plant of Encounter God church. Finding a job I love. Really being happy with where God has me and seeing fruit from the past three years of toil. Seeing answers like 24/7 prayer etc. It all has made me wonder if I should do school online and stay here. When I walked into that hallway on saturday, i knew where I would be in January. I found it fun to think about. As I will be moving in january and be tons closer to most of the people that mean the world to me. I'll no longer be 9 1/2 hours away from my parents, Cornerstone church family, lisa and gary rossow, sarah and her husband, coach stroud, and those who have made a huge difference in my life. I'll no longer be 7 hours from maegan, my best friend, and her little brother. I'll no longer be 5 hours away from my grandma jo (i'll be right around the corner!!!) or the williams' family! I'll be moving closer to all the people who have meant so much to me in my past, but also moving away from the community, mentors, friends, students, i've met and fell in love with here. Macy, Taylor, Katy, and many others are considering moving to dallas in may! I can't help but wonder what these next few years as a SAGU student will bring. An education obviously, hopefully new ministry opportunities, maybe some more missions work!, who knows maybe a husband?!? Whatever it brings... after this weekend I am at peace and have faith in where I'm going. I'll graduate with a counseling degree. Who knows if I'll go into counseling, go into the ministry, marry into the ministry, go off for missions... all of these seem possible right now and i'd be content with any of them. The future is bright and I am excited.
Be Blessed,
J. Tate

Praises and Prayer Requests from Encounter God.

Today we had our first Encounter God staff meeting since the first Sunday a month ago. I cannot even begin to express the thankfulness of our staff for the way God is moving in this church and the ministry.
To update those who have not heard. Encounter God Ministries is a ministry that was going on way before I came around and got involved, but where my story began is last year after an internship with Lubbock International House of Prayer I was able to take a track that led to working with families in a trailer park, I found this to be Encounter God Ministries! I soon grew very close to many of the young adolescents in this area of Lubbock. The Lord began leading me to fade myself out of several other organizations and devote my time to Encounter God Ministries. While I was in Rwanda I couldn't sleep one night as I felt a heaviness. I knew the answer the next day. I was going to be trying to get an internship at another ministry and the Lord wanted me to clear my schedule for this ministry. Much to my astonishment I found out through email that not only was God putting this on my heart, but on the other side of the world in Lubbock Texas God had given our leaders a building for this ministry and put vision in two men's hearts to expand this ministry to a church!!
Upon returning to Lubbock and meeting with them I was asked to take on the youth for this new church and combine our old ministry with this youth program.
We're a month in to Encounter God Church and I'll just be real honest, I've felt God's presence in those Sunday morning service so strong and in ways I never have in my ENTIRE LIFE.
These people come from rough backgrounds, hard lives, many of them are in tough spots, but when they come to church they are real, they find real community, with time for worship, prayer, confession, teaching. And God is there. I can't put into words to explain the presence that is there.
We've seen God not only move on Sunday mornings, but amongst our youth group. I have some great adult leaders helping out. God gave us vision and we're running with it. Right now we're going through some curriculum I felt the Lord put on my heart to write and we're doing small groups. We've seen great improvement and breakthrough.
I cannot in one blog count the amount of prayers that have been answered in our congregation, in our youth, and our staff. Thing after thing after thing. Right now we have someone considering donating a van something our ministry is in big time need of to be able to pick up kids and take kids home that don't have reliable transportation.
We've seen lives changed as people accept the Lord. As people begin to be open with their needs and struggles. We've got a building, with air conditioning, some games for our youth, and so much more.
Some current prayer needs:
Join us in praying that God give us favor with getting a van.
Pray that we'll be able to get a sound system. We had just gotten one and then it was stolen.
Pray for the hearts of our congreation, staff, youth, and all involved.
Our children's ministry is in need of more leaders!! Not necessarily a bad problem to have as they are continuing to grow through a program we do called kids cafe'. The kids come and eat a free meal. Then stick around after kids cafe is over for children's ministry night on tuesday and get some Word put in them!
Encounter God is non-profit that ministers to many lower income families and children. Therefore we're normally grabbing with one hand and giving with the other before the money, food, clothing, materials, every get sat down. So please ask that God would continue to pour out on our ministry as we strive to meet the needs of the local community.
We are in partnership with mission Lubbock that is open two days a week providing almost any need you can think of for the surrounding neighborhoods and trailer parks. They we're running low on food this week, we voiced the need, and God showed up nearly $2500 was donated to go towards buying more food for their food pantry. Keep mission lubbock in your prayers as they will meet the needs of nearly 20,000 people this year!!!
As many of you have already seen on my fbook page we're selling two designs of t-shirts for our ministry for $12. If you're interested in them shoot me an email!
Thanks so much for your love and support.
Blessings,
J. Tate

The frustrations...

Today like any other wed. morning I arose to my alarm blaring at 5 a.m. calling me to get ready for work. The normal routine grab my clothes from the bedside next to me, my toothbrush, hairbrush and go to the other girls bathroom so i dont wake katy up. Normally after all of this i sit down for a devotional but today i sat on the couch and fell asleep for another 10 minutes. It's 5:30 and time for me to leave I grab my vitamins, my breakfast shake, bottle of water, purse, workout back, backpact, etc. (you get the point) I jump in my car and hit the key in the ignition and .... it won't start. Great. Well, actually i'd love to say this isn't a normal occurrence for me, but it is. I've had this car 4 years and never had a single problem with it. The problem is with me. See I hate stopping to get gas, so I normally wait until my tank is pretty low before I actually stop and fill it up. Yesterday I was running up to mission lubbock delivering some cans when the light went off and i thought i'll get gas on the way back home, which i didn't end up doing. I didn't have to use my car again until this morning, so I didn't think about it. So it's 5:30 i have to be at work in 10 minutes and there is no way i'll be on time, so i call in. I tell my shift manager that my car won't start i wont be able to make it! So, i come back in, lay back down told myself i'll get up at 8 go get gas and be at class at 9. I wake up at 8:30!!! I decide to still try to make it to class i run into our shed, grab the gas can, run to my car, pour it in, grab all my stuff, jump in the car stick the key in the ignition and..... NOTHING!!! ok, ok. I am a TA for the 9 o'clock class and the professor loves me. She's an amazing christian woman who advises me all the time on how to handle situations with youth, friends, family, my life, etc. I call her cell phone and tell her what happend she laughs at me, makes fun of me, and then tells me not to even worry about coming to class!!! sheww... ok. I come back inside. Think to myself, wow jessika, all of this chaos have you spent any time with the Lord? umm, no. So what do i read in Oswald Chambers today. It's all about having that time with the Lord. I loved this little piece "Get an inner chamber in which to pray where no one knows you are praying, shut the door and talk to God in secret. Have no other motive than to know your Father in heaven. It is impossible to conduct your life as a disciple without definite times of secret prayer" ~oswald chambers.
So I spend a few minutes with the Lord. Wisen up a tad and decide even though my next class isn't for at least and hour, let's get this gas thing figured out now. I get my roommates car, go to the gas station, get out, begin to pull out the gas nozel! Great i brought the wrong purse, the one without my wallet in it, because i'd switched purses last night for a banquet. Ok no big deal, i'm calm, the Lord had given me peace. I'll go back to the house and try this again! I go, i get the right purse, check to make sure it has the debit card, head back to the gas station. Get out and instinctively begin, FILLING UP MY ROOMMATES CAR!!! well about 8 dollars in i realize this! Ok, well hope that's a blessing to her today for letting me borrow her car. I fill up the gas can. Drive back home and begin filling up my car. The whole 2-3 gallons that our gas can is.
Alright I still have 40 or so minutes before I have to leave for class, so I come inside. Talk to my roommate some, read a little, browse around on fbook some, and talk to a couple of people on the horrible fbook chat, while pondering to myself what i should blog about today. Then, i go outside, get everything piled up in the car AGAIN. Stick the key in the ignition............ NOTHING!!!! ok about this time, my patience is getting thin. I find myself to be a pretty patient person. I'm not rash, i dont stress very easily, i'm very much a go with the flow type gal! But now this three times and my car not starting. On top of the CRUD i had to deal with on monday. Yesterday was my sabbath and it was supposed to make EVERYTHING BETTER. haha. hokay so. My car is not working. This is not the way this day was supposed to go! I'm supposed to go to campus, go to work, go to class, meet with my advisor because she found a way i could still graduate in december, go to free lunch at the wesley and fellowship with friends, come home finish up everything for youth, spend some time in prayer for tonights youth lesson, drive to go pick up a friend who is coming to youth with me tonight, drive out to pick up two of our youth, do youth, drive back on campus for a work meeting!!! Have you noticed all the driving yet? So about when all this hit me, is about the time, i got frustrated.
Then i came and i sat on the couch. I said Lord, I don't get it. I just don't get it. I'm stepping up to do battle. Don't you remember what I said on Sunday, shouldn't you be helping me MORE NOW!!
Then the gentle voice of my Father, the peace that calms my soul. "My ways are higher than your ways, my thoughts are higher than your thoughts."
Of course God i know that scripture, everyone does, Isaiah 55:9. I sat and thought and realized. Today I was inconvenienced, but noone was hurt. My professor got a good laugh, I'll have to email my other prof to get the notes, I'll get a ride to campus to talk to my advisor. I'll call some of the other adult youth leaders to pick up the students. I'll borrow a roommates car for youth. The things I felt so IMPORTANT. The thing so needed, my reliance on my car, and my ability to do the things I need to do, suddenly now sounds like stupidity and pride. God is my provider, He knows what i need, and if my car ain't workin' it means i dont need it. I have friends, helpers, Christian brothers and sisters, who are here to help when I need it and I have a God who is way bigger than a car not starting. I'm not sure why my car isn't working today, I can't tell you when it'll be fixed and it'll work again, but I know my God's ways are higher than mine, His thoughts are higher than mine.
It's good to be a child of God. It's good to know that no matter what goes wrong in this life, He is good, He loves me, He provides for me, He'll take care of me.
Blessings,
J. Tate

Encouragement from Acts

Well, wasn't it just yesterday that i wrote a blog saying I was not going to be blind to the schemes of the enemy? Wasn't it yesterday morning and throughout the day that I prayed against the enemy and decided it was time to step up and be in the game. I believe my words were heard.
Today brought many new challenges, hard news, disappointment, and some struggle. Among one of the many trials was my adviser letting me know that there has been a mistake and i was told i could sign up for an online class that indeed, i cannot. This I am afraid is on the minuscule side of some of the other problems that are to be faced in my future.
Last night I spent some time on my couch reading Smith Wigglesworth. I recently picked up his book titled spirit filled living. As I was reading he was telling the story of Stephen. Stephen was chosen to serve tables, but ended up doing SO MUCH MORE. Stephen saw many people come to the Lord and saw great miracles performed through him. Even to his death Stephen remained faithful as he was being stoned and the bible says he cried out on behalf of his killers asking that God would forgive them. Sounds much like Jesus doesn't it? Then the bible says stephen fell asleep. Stephen chosen for such a menial task was full of the spirit and faithful and God used him to do things that noone would have imagined. Stephen's face shone like an angel at one point (acts 6:15), in acts 6:9 it says those listening weren't able to resist the wisdom and spirit by which he spoke, many times it says he was "full of the Holy Spirit". A message that he spoke says that it "cut to the heart" of the people a phrase which is only said twice in the bible, he was also the first martyr. All of these things from a man who was chosen to serve tables?
I draw encouragement from this. That this life is not about me choosing the things I want to do, it's simply being faithful in the things I'm called to do and allowing God to take it from there. I'll dream big, expect big, and think big... And just follow as the Lord leads whether it's as simple as going to the soup kitchen and serving the homeless once a week, giving an encouraging word, writing an encouraging note, or something bigger.
I am also reading/ rereading... battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer. i have been mulling over this book for several months now. I read a chapter this morning where she is discussing "wilderness mentalities" basically thought process that keep us wandering. She said many are called but few are chosen, many have a wishbone, but no backbone. Here we are, i'm leading this youth group and i have great vision, a great wishbone of the things i believe God wants to accomplish in these kids and through these kids. Having the backbone to go through with it is harder. Putting in the time for the late night calls, the house visits, the prayer, study, counseling... Any great breakthrough is followed with many people putting in the time and effort God has called them to put in. But we're lazy. We want to see God show up and show out with no effort out of us. We don't want to spend the time in prayer, we don't want to fast, we don't want to take time out of our day to do anything really. Our church and our youth ministry has began to see MAJOR breakthrough and it's because we have a pastor, a worship leader, a youth minister, youth leaders that put the effort next to the vision. Daily time praying for our ministry and the people involved, thoughts and scriptures geared toward it, planning, ideas for improvement, seeking God's face, fasting etc.... The Bible speaks against laziness and yet we still seem to want something for nothing. Such a horrible mentality. Let's get up. Put trust and faith in the God who has given you vision! Step out there. It may not be easy, but it'll be worth it.

I want breakthrough. I want growth. For me, for my family, for my youth group, for cornerstone youth, for the churches, for my friends, for texas tech and SAGU. I want to see new levels of intimacy with God, new levels of wisdom and knowledge, new levels of faith, more miracles, more of all that God says we'll see. I want His best, His plan, His vision. So let's step up and be who we were called to be and not hinder the work God WANTS to do in us and through us.
Blessings,
J. Tate

It clicked and my eyes are open

I was at Eg church this morning as I am every sunday morning. Every week I look greatly forward to this meeting at 11 a.m. Today was the starting of the second month of Encounter God church. We grow each week with now numbers nearing 100, but more than numbers we grow more real with each other each week. See this isn't your typical church you don't come in dressed nice, sing some songs, listen to a message, and leave. No no, that would not suffice for us. We come in casual, me often in jeans and a tee, open, vulnerable, and ready to let God impact us. We spend time fellow shipping and then sing a song or two. In the middle we open for prayer requests, not on a card turned in to be prayed about later, you stand up and you state your needs right there in front of the entire body. Then immediately you're prayed for. Also, during this time we give praises we stand up and you should unto God for the answered prayers. Today we spend around 30 minutes simply praising God and requesting of God on behalf of our fellow family members the praises and the needs of our body. During this time every week is when often i am brought to tears by the presence of God and the realness of His people. There is no room for a mask, or fake joy and happiness in this church. As we heard testimony of thing after thing God has done and prayer requests He's answered I was in awe. Then it took a little bit of a different turn. People began to stand up and tell of the attacks they've been having. One after one were attack after attack. And several said it started not long after coming to this church. Including a few of our staff. Then a man stood up who is and adult leader in our youth group. He told how it clicked to him and his wife the other day of the great things God is doing in and through our church and how their attacks began as they started being involved with our church. Might I add they are both amazing working with our youth. He said that they know who has one the battle and so they are just asking now for the Lord to reveal to them the plans of the enemy as they continue to battle and walk strongly for the Lord.
At that moment something clicked in me. I sat down and reviewed a second. I have been battling things i dont normally battle lately, i've dealt with some things that have been pretty tough, i've had a hard time finding that normal day to day joy also, i began to think on these things and pray. I realized I'd been in that battle too, i just haven't been fighting in it. Instead i've been sitting on the sidelines acting like it wasn't even happening. What a dreadfully ridiculous place to be!!
I got some confirmation from the Lord about several areas I have been attacked in and instead of getting up interceding, fighting, claiming, rebuking, and being the fighter, follower of Christ, woman of God I know to be, i have sat back and written things off as just life. I think their are many things that the enemy stills from us that we don't even acknowledge as an attack, we don't acknowledge the fact that their is an enemy that is out to steal, kill, and destroy... and yet his fate is determined, he loses. Christ wins, therefore we win. Anyone would fight in a battle they know they'd win. So time for me to gear up again with Ephesians 6 and step back into the battle.
I often get so caught up and living. Doing the day to day, making my life routine (i really really like routines and schedules) I get so caught up in that. In knowing how to respond to this or to that and to living life the way I live it, that i forget so much. I forget that I need to not be consumed with the enemy but at least be aware of him. Open my eyes and see with spiritual eyes the things that are going on around me and do battle where battle needs to be done, rebuke what needs to be rebuked.
God is doing something with Encounter God church. I feel the spirit there every sunday in ways i've never felt him before. There is a realness that i realize was missing in my life. There is change happening in the people. God is captivating hearts and changing lives. It's real community. With the majority of our time at church spent praying... what did God say His house would be??? A house of prayer our pastor said it this morning... we'll never regret one service that he doesn't get the chance to give his message if it's because we're spending all our time praising God with praises and seeking Him in prayer.
I love this church and i'm so thankful for that body. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to work with these youth. To watch God move in their lives as He moves in mine. Grows them as He grows me. He's definitely stretching me, but I know He's preparing me for more ministry in the future.
Blessings,
J. Tate

The Response

There have been so many things as I have come to Tech that I began to have a heart for. There are few things that over the years I have become extremely passionate about.
As my time draws to a near in Lubbock and on the beautiful Texas Tech campus, it's hard not to reflect and examine the past 3 1/2 years. I look at things I wish i could have done, things I wish i would have done, things I should have done differently, things I'm glad I did. Over the past month I've been doing some self examination of myself. Making note of qualities in myself that I like, qualities that I want to change, and qualities that need to change. Asking myself the question am I who I want to be? Am I the friend I want to be? Am I the woman of God I want to be? Am I the daughter and sister I want to be? Am I the woman I want to be when I meet my husband? Is this where I want to be right now?
Upon reflection I found many things that I really wanted to see come unto completion before I left. Since then I've seen 2 or three of those take great leaps and bounds Among those things was 24/7 prayer on the campus of tech. 2 years ago I went to the kc house of prayer and was captivated. During a session on college campus prayer led by Lou Engle I had a burning in my spirit to see this at Texas tech. I ended up interning and jointing staff at the lubbock international house of prayer. Thanks to many other people Foundation had a Campus House of Prayer and following the Wesley Foundation did as well. We began to see little pieces of our vision. Along with many others I/we have been praying for 2 years to see this come to pass. There have been many times that there has been a great movement of prayer that then begins to fizzle out or a great move to get this done and then something falls through. And here we are and right before I leave as i've been reflecting on the things I'd like to see done before i leave and God answers the cry of my heart. 24 hours 7 days a week prayer on the campus of Texas Tech. The tears flow just thinking about it. How God places a passion in our heart and then is faithful to work it through to completion and I am just blessed to have the opportunity to see it, when many times we dont get to see the fruits of our labor. So to all of you (there are many) that have been praying, fasting, seeking, with me for the past few years for this cause. Rejoice. Praise. It's here.
Blessings as always,
J. Tate

9-11-09

I remember exactly the moment I found out about the World Trade Center terrorist attacks. I remember the patriotism that swept our nation after that day. I remember crying and still crying every time I hear "Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood. I have always been very patriotic. My family is definitely avidly in political things. Especially my grandmother who is more than involved in the Dallas political arena, my admiration for my grandmother since I was young caused me to grow up wanting to be like her and therefore birthed my passion for this nation and it's causes.
After 9-11 happened I would often find myself considering what it would be like to be one of the people during the attacks, a family member, a bystander, a fireman, etc. (I guess this just comes from part of my empathetic personality, i'm often "putting myself in someone else's shoes") We had an assignment from our Social Studies teacher after 9-11 to write some form of paper on the attacks. It could either be historical with actual facts and statistics or it could be historical fiction. I chose the fiction and wrote a paper as if my brother had died in the attacks. I remember writing it and crying as I thought about the families involved. I was asked to read the paper in front of the entire school and excitedly did so.
You drove down the road full of American flags and patriotic signs. There was a unified spirit that was present in the midst. America hurt for it's people. It's like for a short period of time, we stopped thinking all about ourselves and our gain and we cared for our wounded. We beamed with pride for our nation. We joined together and prayed realizing once again that this nation needs God.
So where are we now? It has been 8 years. I'm still bursting with pride for my nation. As there are two banners that I will always pledge loyalty too. The first being the cross of Jesus Christ far above anything else in my life and the second being the American flag. But, I turn on Fox news, CNN, CBS, any news station regardless of political affiliation and I see debate and disagreement more than unity. Bashing more than understanding. Honestly I see a lack of true patriotism.
I don't care what you're political beliefs are, but maybe it's time to reflect. Remember how you felt when 9-11 happened. Remember what mattered most then. Be thankful for the men and women that went to war on your behalf after our country was attacked, whether you agree with it or not.
On a day like this.... I'm reflective. I'm thankful. I'm patriotic. I'm mourning. I'm rejoicing. But mostly I'm praying.
What do you think about on this day? What do you feel?
Blessings as always,
J. Tate

The ultimate update

It's finally time for an update! I think it would take too much space to put into words the last two weeks of my life, so i'll do my best to condense and only share what's really been on my heart!
First and foremost my thoughts, time, stress, and joy have flowed from Encounter God Ministries. I've struggled with this group in many different ways. First off week one of EG youth went great from the outside, but on the inside I knew it wasn't what God wanted it to be. As I sought Him on answers I got a response, "You're trying to make them look like a typical youth group, I want you to work to make each of them look like me!" This left me with several changes to be made!!! For one God had made it about individuals not a group. So we've begun to focus on each youth individually and more specifically meeting their needs, and reaching them where they are. We're going to implement small groups and one on one time, into youth. Also the obvious asking the Lord to reveal new ideas to me and my leaders for this not "typical" youth gropu! I don't even know what that would look like. I know church. I could set up typical church youth anyday (I'm not undermining the hard work that youth ministers and youth workers everyday! it is def. a tough calling!!) Have dynamic worship, an enthusiastic speaker, take up offering, have some fellowship time, of course plan fun activities, mission work, youth damp during the summer, and possibly a fall retreat! But, what does a not typical youth gropu look like? I've always felt called to the church. I've spoken in different churches, youth groups, Christian sororities, camps, retreats, I've spoken to the church crowd, but what about these. The more I work with tehse kids, these families, the more I realize I'm where I need to be and the more I see my primary responsibility is to love these unloved! Battling drugs, poverty, broken and rough homes. I can't help but wonder how the ministers of our day would minister. Joel Osteen's 7 steps to your best life now? Try and explain that to one of my kids, how about the ones who deal drugs so they can eat, or their parents are in jail? I can't walk into that youth building and teach the type of messages I've taught in the other churches or otehr Christian environments! For one the youth at cornerstone would listen to me preach for 45 minutes, these will barely listen for ten. So a new dynamic it is. It's like being on the mission field everyday. In fact many times as I go to pick a child up I am reminded of street evangelising in Rwanda. Surrounded by drunks crowded outside living in poverty and using the alcohol to drown them from reality. That is the reality to my kids, so i'm learning. I'm learning about how to get out of "church habits" and meet actual needs to teach these youth about Jesus and to be there for them. I've already in two weeks dealt with harder situation that I ever have in three years of working with churched youth. It's been hard, challenging, new, but I wouldn't trade it. The small victories have so much more meaning now for me. I'm so much more appreciative for each conversation with a youth. Any that they mention the Lord, or signs of God movement in their life. For every opporunity when they open up. I'm learning to be so grateful.
On another hand, I love my job at the rec. I'm working a lot of hours, but i'm thoroughly enjoying it.
I'm learning to guard my heart and allow teh Lord to give the word before I allow my emotions to run me. It's a new level of trust for me.
I know God is moving. I see so much going on inside of me, in my youth, on my job, with my friends. I've been in a constant state of awe, mixed with utter exhaustion haha.
Rest has a new meaning as well!!!! naps are a great addition to my daily schedule.
I've finished chapter 2 of my fiction novel and I'm still several chapters into my non-fiction self help book. I'm believing for big things in these next few months before i move! It's a journey... and i'm loving it.
CURRENT PRAYER REQUESTS:
My brother had an MRI on his brain today.
New ideas with these youth.
To see God invade their hearts.
Rest for me!
Join me in asking God to continue to show me how to guard my heart!
I will start looking for jobs in the dallas area next week, ask God to reveal where He would have me to look and go as I'm moving into this time of transition!!
Thanks,
j. tate

The hunting dog

Before I start the blog I'll tell you a story about my dog. My dog is a German Pointer or in layman's terms a "bird" dog. I've been researching her breed a lot lately and learned that she is bred for hunting. If you take her out hunting she spots the "prey" that she's been trained to find she points to it, lifts one front paw, and stares at it so that the hunter can then shoot whatever it is. Well, last night one of my roommates grandparents came over immediately saw missy and said oh goodness do you hunt with her? I said eh no, i haven't ever really been hunting, and i dont know if missy would be into that sort of thing. Oh they were like no no that is her natural instinct you have to take that dog hunting and after 30 min. of discussing how she MUST HUNT. i finally relented and said ok i'll marry a man who hunts and i'll make sure he takes her, we all laughed. This morning missy is sitting right next to me on the couch having a dream. Her little hind feet are kicking away her mouth gets curled up in a snarl and then she starts kicking again. I sat down and thought my goodness she is a natural hunter she even does it in her sleep. This now makes sense why we kept finding dead pigeons all in our back yard last semester, dang dog was killing em'.
So the people i know that are hunters are the rossow's, but all they do is deer hunting, maybe i'll find someone who knows a thing or two about bird hunting and get them to teach her or something... who knows...
I've had some great intimate time w/ the Lord in the last week, going up to LIHOP and just worshiping and praying. I've messed up and had to confess up but have found some great liberation in the forgiveness of those around me as i've had to humble myself and apologize. I've really been thinking about living in the Spirit lately and what that truly means, obviously that means living out the fruits of the spirit, but i heard it put this way the other day.
A man was talking on the radio as i got in the car and he was talking about living in the spirit. He said what the Holy Spirit wants to truly do in you is get to the point where there is none of you and then He can talk through you, walk through you, and live through you, so in reality it's no longer even you. It's simply Jesus in your flesh.
Oh i've heard the scriptures Galations 2:20 it's no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me, 2 Cor. 5:15 He died for those that lived so that they could no longer live for themselves but for Him, Col. 3:3 for you have died and your life is hidden with Christ.
We all have heard them, but I hadn't really had a revelation of that. Obviously I struggle w/ that because I still see how I sin. I still see that so much of me does live. I relate more w/ the likes of Romans 7 when paul is saying i do the things i dont want to do, and the things i want to do i don't do. He lays out a great picture of our battle with our flesh. I understand that way more than i understand, i no longer live, but Christ in me!
I see the pride in even this thought though. Because if i were to say that it is not true, this Christ in me theory, then i would have to say not only do i do the bad i do, but i do the good. And who am i to take credit for what the Lord has done through my life?
The goal of my life is to see less and less of Jessika every day. Not diminishing the character that God has placed in me, my personality, but less and less of my fleshly person. The less I become the more the Spirit can move and work through me. The more this temple for the Spirit, this body, can be used to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ.
I see it. I have been crucified with Christ it is no longer I who lives, but He who lives in me. In other words, i laid down me, I willingly gave it all up, all my wants, all my desires, even all my needs, i sat bare and naked before the Lord with nothing and said take this body and use it for Your glory. Speak through me, move through me, walk through me, all for You.
I was told by my youth pastor over and over again in highschool. Jessika the hardest thing you will ever learn is balance. My goodness how those words have proven to be true over and over again in my life. I struggle for balance because when i do something i do it wholeheartedly. If i put my heart into it there is no stopping until it is accomplished. This is many times a GREAT THING, but it i has proven to be difficult because God is not always a God of the immediate, many times He is the God of the process! When i have that vision or desire He gives me, I WANT IT NOW, and i go out looking for it, many times in my own flesh and will rather than His. Then i begin reasoning the things I heard from God because i'm not seeing immediate action from them. I am reading battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer and i just read a couple of days ago where she said "Satan uses reasoning to strip the will of God from us" basically if we begin to reason and try and figure out what God has told us, many times we stop believing it, because we can't figure it out in our own heads.... that hit me....
I digress, back to the point, if my desire is to give glory to God with my life, the only thing I can do is to willingly submit this life to Him. Lay it down, crucify it, and allow the Holy Spirit to take over the reigns, to run the controls...
Now for you other overachievers, go getters, bascially impatient people... it's a process.
This dying to myself is a journey. It's praying the way david prayed, asking God to reveal sin, hearing the Holy Spirit as He reveals it to you, and then rebuking it, repenting from it, and leaving it in the dust. And with each fleshly character, you give the Holy Spirit more and more room to work through you. . .
This life is fun. Let it be.
Be blessed,
J. Tate

Where will I be?

As you know my room has been painted! It's definitely a transition but i now have an amazing new addition to my house, my roommate, katy. She even brought guitar hero world tour, so i have had fun trying to learn to play the drums and act like i have a beat haha.
I began trying to run again and that has been interesting, there was a good amount of pain the first day, but today there wasn't much pain. Now i'm back to working up the endurance i lost, we'll see how that goes. T- 4 months until the half marathon, plenty of time for training.
The Lord really did work on my heart this weekend. I felt freedom and release, peace and devotion, love. I also began to get a vision for where my passions lie for the long term. Women's ministry.
I've always been confused as to what direction the Lord is leading me. The mentors i have that pour into my life have encouraged my gifts of teaching and working with youth. Two things I obviously love. I found in Rwanda even deeper how much I loved these two things, but it's never where I've felt led to be 10 years from now. Today I pondered where do i see myself in the years to come.
Obviously for the next 4 months I see myself here in lubbock texas. Working to complete my degree in human development and family studies. Working as the Youth Director for encounter God ministries. Building the youth program for the Encounter God Church plant and looking to find a permanent youth minister for those youth that I have grown so fond of. I'll make the most of my time left here in Lubbock. The place that I have found friends for a life time. The place I've grown up and been faced with real world challenges. Learned to grow with God hours away from the people who had been my rock. 9 hours away from my family I learned how much I love and appreciated them. Then in December I'll graduate.
I'll move to Euless, Tx to live with my grandmother for one semester as I start my masters degree in counseling psychology and study to become a licensed professional counselor. I'll be attending Southwestern Assembly of God University. After one semester i'll move to waxahachie and who knows how long i'll be there.
I hope somewhere in the next five years I'll meet a husband who will be equally passionate about ministry and desire to be in full time ministry together. No matter what he chooses to do i hope i'll be able to support him, encourage him. respect him, and love him. I hope that together we will glorify God in all that we do. Of course i'd love for him to be traveling evangelist or a pastor so that i could be that pastor's wife and do women's ministry in his church or ministry, but that is a desire of my heart that is up to the Lord :)
The years after graduating SAGU will hopefully be spent with a husband, kids, ministry, laughter and love but as James so eloquently put it in james 4... all of this I will do if the Lord wills.
I'm excited for the next week, month, year, and years of my life. I know that God has a plan and I know He's making me passionate about specific things!

This week i'm finishing up preparation for the FIRST CHURCH SERVICE FOR ENCOUNTER GOD CHURCH! August 9th here we go. The vision of this church is to reach out to a poverty stricken and rejected area in West Lubbock. It is focused on modeling the very first church in Acts. I'm so excited, God is already moving big!

Next week I get to go home for a few days. I'm flying home on Tuesday the 11th staying until Saturday and riding back to Lubbock with Ben! It's going to be a blast.
Good things. I'm so blessed.
J. Tate

Hmm

Emotions.
This morning I went to staff meeting for EG and heard stories of the lives this church is already touching and we haven't even OPENED THE DOORS YET... I got goose bumps, excitement, and tears of joy.
I came home and begin to fill out a form for EG to have a booth at the Foundation Ministry fair and then began to type up my pamplet full of information about what EG Youth will be all about. I was then quite anxious.
I went to school and listened to a lecture on prevention of alcoholism and heard some things I thoroughly disagree with. I was annoyed.
My group asked me to speak for us in the group discussion time. I had strong opinions on today's question that was about teaching moderation in drinking to teenagers. I was passionate.
I left class to come home to two friends painting my room. One of them is moving into my room with me and will have the room when i move out in December, so i told her she could paint over my hot pink and lime green :) As I watched the pink go I was contemplative.
In my closet I found bags of notes from highschool and i sat down to begin to read them. At times I was happy, sad, encouraged, ashamed.
I called a friend to tell her about a lot of the things I'd read because i had become reflective.
I decided to go up to Lubbock International House of Prayer for a worship set. As I entered into God's presence I was at peace, I was thankful.

I'm sure this is not even all of the moods or emotions I had today. Emotions are a tricky time because we base so much off of them. If we're not feeling a certain way we think God's not listening to us or we're growing distance. If we don't feel a certain way we feel like prayer was ineffective. We allow our emotions to tell us the quality of prayer, bible reading, worship, relationship, message, etc.

It's not how I feel about something, it's facts from God's word. Pastor mike says all the time "if the Word says it, that settles it". I like that. The Word it more truthful than even my own feelings and emotions. I am who it says I am. Something i've learned is not to say that i know God is like this... He does this... because of experiences, but only by the Word of God. Because even experience can lie. My emotions or thoughts from a situation can dilute what really happened. We have to interpret experiences by the Word of God not the Word of God by experience.

I'm trying to go back to the basics right now. Reexamine life and especially my relationship with the Lord and others.

As always Be blessed,
J. Tate

bye bye pretty room!

Foot... gross!

Well here is one picture of my foot and i'll add another one at the bottom. The swelling is almost gone and now we're just bruises! I went in for an interview for a job i really wanted today and I got offered the position. Unfortunately now it looks like it's not going to work w/ my schedule, we're discussing ways we can work it out!
My friend Kayce came over last night and as usual she said some things that make me think. One of those was "your emotions tend to follow your decisions", she discussed this thought as she talked about forgiveness. I began to think about it in context with many other things. How often do we find that emotions won't change until we finally make a decision to change. I see this in my attitude in the last couple of weeks. I have chosen to not look at the positive, i've chosen to focus on the negative, i've chosen to only see where i've been attacked and now where i've been blessed, therefore my emotions have followed suit. I've been pretty bitter, angry, frustrated, etc...
I know that the Lord is good and I see His mercy being new everyday. I see His unconditional love, and I see His patience with me. I'm trying to not take that for granted in these moments.
I say all this but life is not bad right now. Things are good, there are just little things that are attacking my insecurities and making me worried rather than life just falling apart at the seams. I think to top it off is those around me are struggling also!!!
No matter what, God is good, and there's always better things ahead.
Be Blessed
J. Tate

Facebook, Patience,Forgiveness,Anger, etc.

Last night I regretfully/enthusiastically deactivated my facebook. I enjoy facebook heh.I like to keep updated on the lives of my friends that I hardly get to see. Without facebook I'd never be able to keep up with everyone. I think of facebook as putting all of those people who matter to me and throwing them into one place where I can message them, talk to them, chat w/ them, laugh with them, and share in experience as I never would be able to without it. The problem is I've gotten where I get on facebook quite often and rather than just spending 10-20 minutes @ a time I spend quite a lot of time or only spend 5 min. but check it like 2500 x a day. So after realizing how ridiculous this was, I promptly decided to just get rid of it. You know you have an addiction when you're having withdrawals, haha. On another note I have found myself farely well impatient lately. I decided I really needed to separate myself last night so I went to a prayer meeting at a church I don't attend and I sat with my head down and just sat for quite a long time. I began to speak to God and I realized how much anger and frustration i have going through me right now for various issues. Alot is going on but I am not doing a good job of going to God with these issues, instead i'm getting angry with Him. I've told people all the time if you're ever angry with God, it's not Him, it's you. I had to swallow this pill last night as I sat there realizing that.
I'm not normally an angry person. I would say i have developed into an emotional one. I cry, i feel, i hurt, i have compassion, and yes i have anger among other various emotions. Normally anger I can shake within a matter of minutes. But this anger was/is coming from deep within. Months of just not dealing with issue after issue that irked me. I'm going through the process now of removing some distractions, i'm in college this is still possible, and trying to get back to the basics. Waking up in the morning and thanking the Lord for life, giving Him praise for who He is and what He's done, and then simply talking to Him as I would a best friend. Divulging all of those hurts, angers, bitterness, etc. Maybe in the hustle and bustle I'd forgotten that He is my Best Friend. He's nto just this God ten million miles away that occasionally steps in and intervenes in my life. He is my God, My friend, My Beloved and I'm His. It's easy to be religious without relationship. To get up read my bible, pray the correct prayers, be an intercessor, do the ministry, and not really offer the part of you He wants most, your heart. Right now I feel like there's alot of things He's cutting through to get to my heart, but it's happening and it needs to.
As Always Be Blessed,
J. Tate

Vacation of insanity!

Well I was supposed to be going to san antonio w/ the girls this weekend to tube the river and instead i sprained my ankle. So i decided to go to dallas. Well when i could walk on it i decided i'd go at least to be w/ the girls and hang out. Then my roommate's van (that we were going to take to SA) died and we were unable to take the trip anyway. So then my other roommate and a friend decided they were going to go to ruston LA this weekend. I couldn't decide between ruston and dallas. I finally decided upon dallas so that I could see my grandma whom i love spending time with, go to waxahachie and look at apartments, and meet up w/ my mom and brother and get my dog! I took my family to go see Waxahachie and the SAGU campus. We looked at some apartments. I still haven't decided how I want to work that out. Either moving to Waxahachie in january living in an apartment or getting dad to get a house, moving to Euless and staying with grandma for a semester, or possibly living with some other friends in the metroplex. Anywho- I was going to leave monday mornign but changed my mind sunday afternoon because of a take home test i had due on monday and i went ahead and left. i had some friends that were driving back to lubbock and they were a couple of hours behind me. I got about 2 hours away from lubbock and i got pulled over by a cop. I had my cruise set to 4 over so i wasn't really sure what i was getting pulled over. Come to find out he pulled me over for driving in the left lane because the left lane was for passing only. I had to keep from laughing when he told me, but missy made that easy since she was in the back seat barking like crazy at this man that she would have ripped into shreds had i let her. Well, i'm also a girl so there's several things on my car i dont' really take care of. For instance, not only was i driving in the left lane, but i didn't have an up to date insurance card, and my car's inspection was out. But by playing the innocent girl he came back and he's like ok i'm giving you a warning... for driving in the left lane, speeding (74 in a 70), no proof of insurance, and out of date inspection. I was like, thank you so much. about 2 min. later my friends call and they had gotten in a wreck in weatherford, about 3 hours back towards dallas!! I turned back around to go get them. I literally drove friday from lbk to euless- sat. euless to waxahachie to dallas to euless- sunday euless to roscoe (past abilene) back to weatherford back to abilene- monday abilene to lbk..... Oh the joys of college. Luckily my professor is really chill and he told me to not even come to class and to come turn in my paper tomorrow. So the girls are having a veg out day.
I've really been frustrated the past few days and i'm trying to overcome that. I like order. Nothing has been in order and that causes some frustration for me. I have to admit my control issues, i like to control situations and not being able to control things is what has really driven me insane. I also like to know my next step and i feel at a stand still. I know that I am graduating in December. I know that i'm going to start Sagu in january. But i don't know if i want to do school full time or part time. work full time or part time. live in waxahachie, euless, or the metrolplex... for how long.. with who... etc. I realize i feel like i'm 17 again. I'm trying to decide where i want to go, what i want to do, who i want to be. . . etc. and once again i'm having to learn to humble myself, be patient, and let God be God. I should be lucky that i even have a clue as to what i'm doing in january. I don't know i'm struggling to be grateful and i'm settling more in the confused and frustrated, never a good sign. I do look forward to the things God is doing at Encounter here in LBK and I need to stay focused on what God has before me right now. Help me in praying for focus and wisdom. God's good and I know good things are coming.
J. Tate

Defines me

I am taking a leap today and I am going to school w/o crutches. I don't feel this is a stupid decision, since the swelling has dramatically decreased and i'm seeing great improvement in the realm of pain... yay! I was told it'd be at least 1-2wks on crutches and i'm getting off of them in 2 days!!! i'm excited.
I want to talk about what defines me. I woke up this morning thoroughly unexcited about this day. This was way different from yesterday, because yesterday I couldn't wait to get up and get moving and head to the EG staff meeting! But this morning as i arose i thought, eh i can just stay in bed, i dont have class until 12 and i have nothing i need to get done, i got all my errands done yesterday, there is no point in even getting out of bed. I arose an hour or so later, came and played around on facebook/twitter/skype/email etc. Then pulled out my bible read, went outside and prayed, came back in and sat down. it was only 1030 or so. I debated on what to do. I decided there is always more to pray about, so i went back outside. As I set down i just felt this great urge to talk to God about whatever this blah feeling was, this feeling of nothing, no excitement, no motivation, no purpose.
This is what i learned about myself in the next few moments of venting w/ the Lord. I am a highly motivated, energetic, passionate, person when given a specific task. I love tasks. I enjoy having a list of things to do and going one by one down the list. I enjoy being involved in ministry and knowing my responsibilities and accomplishing them. I have however yet to build the discipline of waking up and saying ok God, today is your day, all i have is class from 12-2 what do you want me to do for you today? Rather than that, i have the outlook of great this day stinks, i'm going to go to class, probably hang out w/ some friends some, come home do some homework, no actual plan, and that i hate!!!
I love organized ministry (haha). I have spend the last 3 years at Tech always involved in some sort of ministry. Whether it be a counselor, leadership, team leader, for foundation or leadership, small group leader, etc for wesley, or Lubbock IHOP, Encounter God, Young Life, etc. whatever it may be. I've always had that. I knew that I would wake up at this time, i'd do this, i'd go to class, then i'd go on to my responsibilities to the students, kids, youth, etc. whoever I was set up to minister to that day. I've never been in LBK over the summer. The last 3 summers i've been back home working at the church, the school, or BCAC. Still i knew everday i would have a chance to minister to the youth i'd planned lunch to, the kids i was teaching that day, the wounded families that came into BCAC. My life i must say has been for the most part for the last 3 years STRUCTURED. Now I find myself here. It's the summer, i have one class a day, no responsibilities to the Wesley, EG is just meeting once a week to start getting things together and i spend some personal time working on it but nothing with students, I don't have a job (mainly because i haven't found one yet), and I have to say this is Winter in my world of ministry. There is a few pastors and mentors that I really look up to, Upon returning from Rwanda I was really blessed to be "filled up" by them. To speak w/ them one on one to hear and learn it was so good. Roger Siratt spoke to a small group of us during camp. This man has seen things in his life that the Lord has done that I can only dream of seeing, he's been ALL over the world, he is an amazing man of God. He said just like there are 4 seasons for the weather, there are four seasons for ministry. Summer is when there is so much ministry the heat is on, you're toiling through each day working and working... now i could go through each season but for the purpose of not making you read a book i'll skip to winter. Winter is a time where it seems things have calmed down a bit, as someone in full time ministry it means you may not have as many speaking engagements, as a youth minister maybe the kids are doing well and consistent w/ little challenges, for me it means there's not a lot of speaking i'm having to do, actually i haven't had to prepare a single lesson since the week before youth camp, i've only met w/ two students since being in LBK and gone street evangelizing once, basically the point i'm getting at is as far as doing what we call "ministry" there hasn't been a lot of it. I think about what Roger said for during winter. He said work on preparation for the other seasons. Write some sermons, spend a lot of time doing in depth studies of the word, spend tons of time in prayer and just soaking in God's presence, so that when the season changes you've been built up, filled up, and you're ready to go. See now it's confession time. I struggle at this. I enjoy in depth studies of the Word, i enjoy praying and sitting before the Lord, but I like it so much more when I know i'm going to go out and share it, pour it out, etc.
I have gotten to where what i'm doing defines me in my eyes. If i'm not doing, then what am i? who am i? If i'm not teaching youth, mentoring kids, working a job, taking classes, meeting and pouring out w/ others, witnessing, then really what am i hear for? I've prayed psalms 27:4 for 2 years. Basically saying one thing i desire to sit and behold the beauty of the Lord. I've taught tons of lessons on intimacy and being intimate with the Lord. And now i'm seeing my own weakness in this. I'm seeing my lack of intimacy. My struggle to sit before Him and enjoy Him. I think i have the prideful mentality of thinkin somewhere that I don't need Him unless i'm doing "ministry". I put quotes around "" ministry because i'm meaning specific organized ministries, not living my life as a ministry, witnessing to those around us, etc. . . Maybe i've got it in my head that i spend time with the Lord so that I give the lesson He wants, I lay hands on the ones He wants, and if i dont spend time w/ Him maybe they won't get healed, maybe the lesson won't impact them, maybe in a lunch discussion i'll say the wrong thing, i'll forget a scripture etc.. . . somehow it's become a little bit too much about me and my ministry and not about HIM AND well, His relationship w/ me.
As I sat w/ Pastor Mike and talked this summer he said something i'd heard many times before but for the first time it clicked. He said Jessika I don't wear out, i dont fall, i don't lose passion, because i fill myself up first. I delight in the Lord, i stay in His presence, every day i spend time with Him because my relationship w/ Him comes first. I can't do my assignment or help anyone without a relationship with Him. We kept on talking discussing His relationship w/ the Lord, then His family's, then ministry. It impacted me because i realized that so many times, i live off of what is stored up inside of me, instead of everyday loving this relationship i have w/ the Lord, loving God, and putting Him and not ministry as a priority.
So here I am in this winter time, feeling useless, unproductive, because today i have no appointment to be @, i have no ministry meeting, it's just a typical day. If i define myself by ministry i will always be dissatisfied. I want to define myself with the Word. Who God says I am, I want to be... I want to delight myself in Him and find peace and contentment w/ just Him. I want to find a way to cry out Ps. 27:4 and it to be true.
Oh this sanctification walk... it never ends, but it's worth it :)
j. tate

blaghh

I'm not sure what the title means. Yesterday I was running w/ my roommates and managed to sprain my ankle. So now in the midst of training for the half marathon I'm walking around on crutches with a nice big swollen ankle! Boo. Instead of going to San Antonio to float the river with my friends I'm going to go meet my mom in Dallas. This will be good though because i'll get my dog missy back and we'll go visit SAGU, the grad school I'm planning on going to.
Tomorrow we have another staff meeting for EG we're really seeing things come together. In just a few weeks we'll be having church and have started the youth center program up and in full swing.
Right now I'm going through 1 Kings in the word. I just started it this morning and I was thinking about dear ole' solomon and all the wisdom he had. Do you know what Solomon proved to me this morning? It is one thing to have wisdom and it is another thing to use it. Solomon had more wisdom than any man and yet he still managed to mess things up.
I have more thoughts on this, but no time to type right now.
J. Tate

Regrets

Sorry I'm a couple of days behind on blogging! Maegan came into town this weekend and I am so excited. I started a blog 2 days ago and never posted it, so here is the blog from Thursday with some new added thoughts:
It's funny to me that two days ago I wrote a blog with the lyrics "I don't have time to maintain these regrets" and yet today has seemed to be filled with thoughts of regret. I have just recently began rereading battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer. How fitting that two days after I began to reread this I am struggling with my thoughts. I struggle with thinking about things of my past the decisions I know were wrong and the ones that I can only wonder, those dreadful what if's. I hate what if's. Whether that comes down to relationships, ministry, work, there are so many things that we can have what if's about. For instance, maegan is now in town. I have been eating really healthy and training for a half marathon, but since maegan is in town I decided the afternoon she was coming in I'd go for a long run and not run for the weekend. Then last night we decided to go to Josie's at 1 in the morning and get breakfast burritos with all my friends. Since she's in town I decided i'd eat where she wanted to eat basically giving up my healthiness for a couple of days. So I ran a long run and ate a chorizo and egg breakfast burrito and one a.m. I woke up and there were a lot of what if's that came from the multiple pains coming from my body. Ab muscles sore from the run and stomach going insane because of the first hint of grease it's had in over a week. The thoughts such as what if I wouldn't have ran that long run my body wouldn't be screaming at me to get back in bed, and what if I wouldn't have eaten that breakfast burrito I wouldn't feel like someone took a knife to my insides. heh ok i'm being over dramatic, but you get the point. What if's can be BIG, or what if's can be small. My what if's have been big. I am not graduating in December, a semester early, going to SAGU for grad school, and basically starting life over in a new city and new school. Nothing of my plans oh 3 months ago. I have the what if's about certain relationships, the school i'm going to, graduating in december instead of august or may (both were options). There are so many things that go through my mind that strive to keep me in my past. I can't help but think about Philippians 3. Forgetting what is behind and pressing forward. How incredibly hard is that, when so much of our past impacts our future? The Holy Spirit knows what things need to be forgotten and left behind. And what if's are in those. What if's are essentially fear. Fear that "what if" i would have done this or that this or that way then maybe things would be better. And we know God is not a God of fear (1 Tim. 1:7).
At this point... I'm looking forward to a weekend hanging out w/ maegan. 3 days with my best friend, and my great friends from LBK. I can't wait.
There are many other things on my mind, but having your best friend here, just helps ya know?...

So there is some of the blog I wrote a couple of days ago mixed in w/ some updates. Maegan will be here to monday and we're having a blast, had the whole crew here til about 2 last night.. we stayed up went to josies then got up for breakfast w/ kayce and anna! It's been so great. I'm going to be sad to see her go. I'm in an interesting position right now. Trying to be gung ho about things in LBK, which i am, and trying to get things prepared for grad school. Not only are there physical things to prepare i.e taking GRE, where i'm going to live, etc. but also emotional things. Preparing for the move away from great friends, guys, being a grown up, etc.
well time to wrap this up and hopefully i'll have more time to really put the thoughts together soon.
j. tate