Friday, January 30, 2009

aeropuerto!

I’m sitting at DFW airport at 7:15 on a Friday morning. I love Dallas. I love looking out of the windows and see cars whizzing by on the highway and knowing I spent so much time in this area as a little girl. This was the place that was home away from home, grandma lives literally 10 minutes from this spot. The airport is not extremely busy for what I would expect the usual weekend traffic to be. Possibly this is due to the economy, rising flight costs, or declining trust in air transportation. Just a thought. I’m a people watcher. I’m sitting at a McDonald’s right in the middle of D terminal, I must note I am not a fan of McDonald’s itself, but my roommate is rather obsessed with the mcgriddle and I decided I needed to figure out what this fuss is about. I had a choice this morning with a two hour layover. Ride the sky train round and round, a much amusing hobby I’ve had since a youngster, sit and read my book at my gate, or find a central location and participate in what I would call research for my degree. Ok that’s exaggerating, but I do find the many things I’ve learned in classes to be true such as the social norms we discussed in my sociology class. For instance, There are somewhere around 30 tables at this little McDonalds and around 15 people or set of people. Every other table is conveniently skipped and I not wanting to disrupt the world’s natural cycle at this time of morning obediently took my place two tables away from the nearest person and down at the end. We are indeed quite predictable creatures. I see the interactions of an old couple obviously pros as far as the area of marriage is concerned. The elderly gentleman follows his wife to a table makes sure she is comfortably seated and then proceeds to the counter where he orders for them both and without a look backward or discussion fixes the coffee for her, I’m sure just the way she likes it. They sit and eat breakfast as I’m sure they’ve done a million times before, him with a newspaper, her with a book, taking their time. Then there is the working man most likely money driven and overworked as he hurries to the counter, orders quickly, lays down a twenty for a cup of coffee and rushes off pulling his wheeled briefcase briskly behind him balancing coffee in one hand and a cell phone between his ear and shoulder. I regret that many don’t have the pleasure of enjoying life at its simplest moments. In an air port with nothing but time and interactions to analyze, it’s here I find most at peace short of being in a prayer closet, worship service, or teaching.

Life can be confusing can’t it? I am a twenty-one year old female blessed beyond imagination. I find that in these moments that fact hits me more than it does, in just a normal day in the life. Sadly. See a normal day in the life, I’m able to wake up and know that I am loved, I own a house, I have clothes all over my floor, I have a dog, I take a hot shower, I spend time w/ the Lord, I get to eat breakfast, I check facebook on my new laptop, I call my mom on my above average cell phone, I drive my car to college, College- less than 3% of the entire world get to pursue higher education, I learn about things that I enjoy with professors that interest me, I walk into lunch among at least 30 people, at least, that I know are my friends, I get to work w/ under privileged children, I get to be involved in college ministry, youth ministry, bible studies, I have a job that though rough is fulfilling and supplies my financial needs, and then there are times like these, that it’s been a rough week for more than one reason and I’m able to call my Dad and tell him I want to come home and he buys an over priced plane ticket the day before I want to leave so that he can take me away from a comparably not so horrible week in the grand scheme of things. I am the definition of spoiled.

I say these things in revelation. Revelation of a message that touched the surface last night, but is hitting home right now. My mentor and friend, Annette spoke on faith. The topic of faith is one I greatly enjoy learning and discussing, in all honesty it can be as shallow or as deep as you decide you want to go with it. I know I have faith. I believe I have strong faith. I have faith that everything written in the Word of God is true, and it wasn’t just true for then, it’s true for me, now. I know that God has and will use His people to bring about His will on this earth, and I have no room to doubt myself when I am willing to go where He calls. I have no doubt that He is provider, protector, redeemer, and friend. But, what good is faith if we do not choose to activate it, to live in it, to use it? I will not hesitate to go pray for someone as I am led, I do not hesitate to be calm in the midst of tribulation, but this week has not only been trials, tribulations, excitement, blessing, it has come with surprise and confusion. There is where I have lost my faith. I allowed myself for a good hour yesterday to try and contemplate how I would handle a situation, how I would fix a problem, and I totally disregarded who my God is. That is not lack of faith, that is making a choice to not use faith. How ironic, must it be that in this night Annette spoke of faith, the faith that last in past, present, and future. Not forgetting the God who turned my life around, the God who has seen me through all the trials, tribulations, attacks, failures, and disappointments of my past. This is when my faith was activated. Activated to say God I repent, You are the I AM. The Everything I need, in the midst of my confusion you are not confused, you are not surprised, you are not taken aback, you sit on your throne, and you remain reigning Holy and Sovereign, my Love, My God.

If everyone had time to sit, to observe, to think, to process, to allow God to pour into them, imagine the possibilities. Possibilities that slowed down to go the pace of a God who is not limited by time at all. His promises come through in time that cannot always be kept on a clock, watch, or calendar. His grace is displayed in an amount that is immeasurable by any device we can create and His love abounds throughout a person with a touch that cannot be duplicated. Oh my God. I have faith in you. You are faithful when I am faithless. I trust you.

The McGriddle was good- I’ll probably by another one someday, the people watching was calming- I will take time when available to enjoy this, the revelation was life changing- and there is much more to come. I wish there was more time taken for layovers.

J. Tate
Jess.a.tate@blogspot.com

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Just another day in the life...

The Lord often does things in weird ways, and sometimes they hurt. Last night a friend passed out and had a seizure in the middle of an interview that she was conducting, on me!!! We got her help and went to the hospital. I wish i could say this was the craziness of the night. So much is still going on in that situation, please pray about it. Then in the emergency room the Lord made me go pray for someone. I say made for a purpose. He told me to, i was like no no no Lord. This craziness is already going on i'm not in a position to pray for some stranger right now. He continued to tug and reminded me of something i'd prayed the other day. "LORD! I'M READY FOR YOU TO CHALLENGE ME MORE!" Now going and praying for someone is obviously not extrememly challenging but I was like ok Lord whatever and I obeyed. However it was not waht i expected. I realize now that this should not surprise me due to my previous experiences. I mean usually something crazy happens when the Lord asks me to do somethign in this way, but I was hoping it'd be one of those nice times that i walked over and they were like YES PLEASE PRAY... and we'd all pray together and be happy. well not this time. i came over to the man who was sitting next to the woman the Lord had asked me to pray for. Upon asking if he was a believer he stared at me like he wanted to kill me. I asked if i could pray for her, let's just say it was very much so frowned upon. After a few more exchanges i went to my seat and just prayed behind her.
This experience a long w/ a couple of other things that went along w/ it, broke MY HEART, upset me, and is really challenging me even today. I'm asking the Lord what the heck was up w/ that. I clearly made the man mad for even asking. I hate confrontation. I don't mind persecution when it at least looks as if it has some benefit. This seemed pointless. I have to rely on the faith that I know my father's voice as it says in John 17, I have to rely on faith that knows, that i know nothing, and He knows all, sort of like Ezekiel in Ezekiel 37.
I have to sit back. I have to pray for this man. I have to let God be God and me be Jessika, just a human, moving at the sound of my Father's voice, HOPEFULLY.
With Pain today, with hurt in my heart i write, but as always Be blessed.
J. Tate

Thursday, January 22, 2009

36th Anniversary

It is the 36th anniversary for the Roe Vs. Wade decision by the Supreme Court. I can't on this day not write about this decision that has had such tremendous impact on our society. Sex is no longer a physical act done under God's blessing for a married couple but rather one of passion, lust, fun, boredom, etc. and when life is conceived there is a $300 15-20 minute procedure to throw it in the trash and keep on living. Mother Teresa put it best "It is a poverty to decide a child must dies so that you may life as you wish"
I pray for our President Barack Obama in the midst of this transition. Barack Obama has pledged to sign the Freedom of Choice Act – a bill that will go far beyond Roe v. Wade toward making America the abortion capital of the world.
We have to date lost over 50 million people to this slaughter of children in our country, abortion.
I could rant forever, but then this blog loses it's true meaning. Pray that abortion would end in our country. Pray hard. Pray fervently. Pray intentionally.
J. Tate

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Breakfast with a dear friend

Kayce. This friendship is one of the most special of my friendships. It's filled w/ laughter, tears, love, admonishment, conviction, encouragement, it is one of if not my most Christ like friendship. I know Kayce always has truth for me, 9 times out of 10 followed up with a Bible verse. This morning we went and had breakfast together. I was so excited to have this time, because we haven't had a chance to truly share since i've been back from break. After i leave these meetings with Kayce I always leave encouraged, inspired, ready to embrace the day. This morning we talked over breakfast and coffee sharing our successes, our failures, our convictions, our times with the Lord, and of course the much needed however painful time of calling out and advice giving. Kayce always has words of wisdom for me. Words that prick my heart especially when she pulls our her little bible she carries around in her purse and declares scripture and challenges me to adhere. I need this friendship. I find that i love correction, i love challenges, i love advice, conviction, all together i love learning, i love sanctification and being more like Christ and i find that very few friendships hold what this one does, honesty at all cost. Truth. As we discussed issues such as our problems w/ entitlement and others. I found her truth to be directly from the Holy Spirit. Among the few things that struck a chord were the words "I trust the Lord with you". She said I can give you advice that says to chill out, don't worry, because I know He will take care of you. I know the God who watched over you then, watches over you now, and will watch over you tomorrow. This is how her words sounded to me! No matter what heart ache you may face, no matter how bad it gets, He will still protect you. What a great stand point. Maybe in my meetings with people and my desperate attempts to give them advice to get out of their situations have all together been in vain. Maybe, I should have trusted the Lord's grace over them. She said i find all to often we will do whatever means necessary to escape our current heartache all the while the Lord is right beside us... Molding, teaching, sculpting if you will, sanctifying, making us into Christ. This resignates in my soul as i think on my prayer life. How many times have i ran to the feet of the Father to beg, to plead, rid me of this thorn!! Rid me of this pain, get rid of this situation, give me the answer, I NEED TO KNOW!, etc. all the while the Father in his all knowing being must be thinking "Gag me!" ok ok ok. I'll admit that was dramatic. But how He must long to quiet me for 2 seconds to say, Dear Child, I have been with you, I am with you, and I will be with you.I have you in my hands, I am taking care of you, and i know what you need, and I supply all of your needs! Yes, I am once again reminded of scripture.
1 Peter 1:1,2
Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue

Oh peter. how you knew where my wandering heart would run. GRACE, PEACE, He's given you all things that pertain to life and godliness!!! through... KNOWLEDGE OF HIM! But it is so easy to chase after comfort. To chase after the easy. The painless.

***Why can I be bought so cheap by the enemy's tactics well knowing I have been paid for FULL PRICE by God Himself?***

Maybe it is easier, however less beneficial, to trust in myself rather than God. I mean in doing so, i can only let myself down... right? I know i know i'm getting off course. I guess the point is to say. She invoked much inward thinking, much prayer to the Father. It's time to stop praying God be with this situation, and actually start talking to God, expressing my heart. I must end this. my roommate's family is here. This is the beginning of a book of blogs to come!
be blessed!
j.tate

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Temperance

There are those times in life when God pieces together things and we cannot but stand in awe of His loving craftiness. I found myself standing in the midst of this last night. Last semester I felt the Lord tugging on me to lead a small group. I love to teach so I agreed hastily at this nudging. It was the next few steps that were taken slowly. Decisions such as having my roommate help teach, it being all girls, and the topic being "guarding your heart". My next statement will sound no less than pride in my heart... and it was... I didn't mind having my roommate helping out, but i didn't want it to be all girls, and if it must be all girls then i sure as heck didn't want it to be on "guarding your heart". I teach youth occasionally, i mentor girls, i don't mind talking about these sorts of things, in fact i'm passionate about teaching these things in a mentor type relationship, but I didn't want to spend an entire semester on this topic with the maybe 4 or 5 college girls that would show up on a wednesday afternoon. In fact, my mentor back home in Liberty had taught on it several times over the summer and beaten it into my head... I really didn't want more of it at all. As the time neared for the bible study I began to warm up to the idea as the Lord placed a passion in my heart for the topic, but i still had no clue His God sized planned for this. The first night we started out w/ ten girls and we discussed our expectations of a small group. A reoccurring theme among these women was that they have been let down my too many small groups and just didn't have high expectations. I love honesty. I took this and i began to lift it up before the Lord. I prayed over these girls, this study, but mainly i asked the Lord to bond us.
By the end of the semester we were running anywhere between 17-20 ish girls. Girls that "knew" each other, but never hung out. Freshmen to seniors, southern baptist to non-denominational, cowgirls to preps :). We had inside jokes that we would yell out in public places, scream at each other across campus, share our hearts as we laughed, cried, and learned together. Everyday of the week I would pass a girl in the group and she would exclaim "I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL SMALL GROUP!!", it didn't even matter if it was thursday the day after we met. At the end of the semester when it was time for group to end, none of us could bare it. We couldn't stand to watch this sisterhood fall apart. We decided to continue group. This semester it's abiding in Christ and instead of Macy and I leading each week we're opening up to have guest speakers, or members of the group teach each week. We're going to be involved in community outreach and make a difference outside of our group. As we had our first meeting of the semester last night I sat back in awe as people came crowding into my living room. One senior graduated and moved... and new freshmen added. The bond was still the same. We chatted and talked, discussed how much we've missed each other, missed this group, and missed the accountability.
God did something big. It was supposed to be just another small group and now it's my sisters. I've opened my heart and i've learned so much from them. I graduate next December, I believe we'll continue this group on into the fall, and I will miss this group so desperately when i leave.
It's just another reminder for me that God's plans are always so much greater than mine. I'm reminded of Ephesians.
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20,21)
One day I'll stop thinking in my limited mindset, so boxed into the natural that hardly sees beyong my own desires and I'll let my faith take me on a journey with a greater vision and maybe just maybe then I won't be so surprised when God works in His special way to bring me such amazing gifts.
Be Blessed,
J. Tate
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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

First Post

I am a writer at heart. Although I often find myself short of time or note worthy thoughts, I have found I am happiest while sharing. Whether sharing be of writing in my own private journal, ranting to my Father, discussing w/ friends, teaching youth or a small group, it's in these times of transparency that I feel at home. So, all of that to say here it is, a blog. Not myspace not facebook a blog that is just for me. Just for my rantings, soap boxes, honesty, openess, joys, disappointments, anything and everything that needs to be let out of the safehaven of my heart and mind.
This blog will more often than not talk about Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior of my life but also my constant best friend. I don't think that i could tell stories about me that doesn't involve at the very least a Christian based mind set. It is my starting point for any and every situation that I am faced with.
The Texas Tech Spring 2009 semester is well underway and my schedule is jammed pack as I get ready to embrace this final year I have as a student at Texas Tech University. I'm excited and nervous as I ponder my time spent and time to spend as this period of my life comes to a closing. Throughout this blog I will discuss various stories of my past, events in present, options and goals for the future.
Walk with me on this amazing blessing and journey of life.
Be Blessed,
J. Tate